This has been the best year of my life. It can not be stated any other way. This was not a perfect year for me, and in no way would I construe it as such, but it was seriously the best year of my adult life. This is the first year of my life since I was 12 that I did not consider suicide at some point (or multiple points) in the year. I will not get into the darker areas of my life, but this one simple fact makes it far and away the BEST!
The End.
Ok ok ok, you probably want more than that. And any lady that has had the pleasure of being with me knows, I AM a giver, so for all you ladies out there (and the few gentlemen who dream of this), I continue.
My year started off great because I was in a new relationship with my best friend. It still had that new relationship smell. I was petrified. Neither myself, or my girlfriend at the time had planned on starting a relationship with anyone, much less each other. She was my best friend, and I was hers and one night we had a temporary moment of weakness. The next morning neither of us wanted to hurt the other's feelings by saying that we did not want a relationship, so a relationship was born. And THAT was the single smartest thing I did in 2010. Fast forward six weeks later and we are still in the puppy love phase. You know what I mean, the random sweet text, the finding an excuse to touch the other person. And then there is the new discovery made every day about the other person, "I didn't know you had a fear of bugs".
Yes, 2011 was starting off on the right foot. I hated my job; that didn't matter, I had Gault. I didn't like my apartment; that didn't matter, I had Gault. I didn't like the stagnation I had developed in my life; that didn't matter, I had Gault. I knew I needed to make some changes in my life, and having someone so amazing support me gave me all of the confidence in the world. I would have done the same things without her, but they would have been much, much harder. Do not get me wrong, they were not easy in any sense of the word, but having her support helped.
I hated Crumbs. This whole paragraph is a rant about how they treated their employees so feel free to skip it if you do not want to read about my hatred of all things Crumbs Bakes Shop. Here is the thing with Crumbs Bake Shop, when I started out with them they were a smaller company and cared about the employees. By the time 2011 rolled around, Jason Bauer had become a terrible person in my eyes. Everything was now about making money and damned be anyone who stood in his way. I hated that he ruined my lovely job. And here is a fun fact about Crumbs Bake Shop, they sell their old stuff first, and then put out the fresh. So when people ask what we did with the old cupcakes, and we were forced to say (or be fired) "Oh, we send them back to the bakery and they donate them to the homeless", what we REALLY wanted to say was, "Duh, you're eating them bitch". My final straw with Crumbs Bake Shop was when after being given kudos all through the year as one of the top Assistant Managers in the company, my review was horrendous. I later found out that it was because Human Resources had told all DMs and SMs that employees must be given bad reviews so as to keep raises to a minimum. Upon getting my review, I put in my notice the following day. I would no longer bow to their wishes. Then to top it off, they gave all lower paid associates a $1 raise to bring them from $10 to $11. That sounds nice, right? What they failed to inform all associates was that the new minimum starting wage for Crumbs Bake Shop was $11. Even associates that had been there for almost 2 years, was now getting raised to the minimum. That means someone starting their first day at Crumbs, would be making the same as someone that worked 2 years to help Jason grow his company.
Upon quitting Crumbs, I became a full time background actor. That is a rather cool job. I do not make that much money, but I survive. And it is fun to have friends say, "I think I saw you on tv last night, were you on _________?" to which most often times I can reply, "Yes, I was".
I also moved out of my basement apartment that had been my home for over years to my original dwelling in Astoria. My friend's roomie left her with no notice and she was going to lose the apartment if she did not find a roomie stat. I was happy to oblige because I know how much that apartment meant to her. I will not say that it was a mistake moving in with her, but it was not a comfortable living situation. No matter what I did, it was wrong in her eyes and somehow a personal attack on her. I could not wait to move out of there. And if you wonder if I was ever thanked once for helping her to save her apartment, the answer to that would be no. No I was not. Gross. I still wish her nothing but the best in life, but I am much MUCH happier in my current living situation. I have a wonderful roomie who realizes being room mates is a partnership, not a dictatorship. I love my apartment. :-)
I feel like up until now this has been a very negative blogg, so let me now get to all of my successes on the year and you will see why I think it was overall, the greatest year of my adult life.
First up, Gault. I have had many friends ask me what is so special about her, and why she is the girl I chose to date after all of my years of singlehood. I know it sounds cliche, but if I could tell you what made Gault so special, she wouldn't be special. She is a wonderful person, who has a good heart, and I feel she is sometimes misunderstood. She is loving, kind, patient, and tender. It didn't hurt that to be a white girl, she has a black girl's ass. That solves a lot of problems. haha The first ten months of the year I shared with Gault, and the last two I spent getting over her. Some would say that the last two were a dark time, but I found out then that I have some really good friends who care a lot about me. They were there for me, and still are. This is the first New Year's Eve in New York City that I can say I have close friends here, and that is awesome.
I love my job. Where I am at now in my career is nowhere near where I want to finish, but at least I'm finally starting. For now, my survival job is actually an acting survival job. That is awesome! I can not help but be excited. Yes, I could currently be making more money working retail, but for the first time in my life, I'm doing the job that I want to do. That is such a good feeling.
Also, a highlight of 2011, I got to spend a week with my best friend Shauna in NC. I watched her little sister (and my adopted little sis Alex) graduate high school. I went to the top of the Empire State Building again. My parents came to visit three times and each time they come, we get closer. I can not express how much it means to me to finally have parents. It took a long time to get them, but now that I have them, I appreciate them so much more. I've been to the World Trade Center memorial. I watched every Dolphins & Panthers game. This year I got the new tv I wanted, the new phone I wanted, and a new laptop. (I know these are material things, but it was the first time since 2004 that I could afford to buy myself what I wanted)
I grew up a lot this year. I know I may still say, or do some childish things, but my views are so much better. I was called by not one, but two people the most selfless person they know. I talked about Jesus more. I become a lot more patient (everyone can thank Gault for that). I now feel like a grown-up. When someone screams out, "HELP! I need a grown-up!" I can reply, "Hey, I'm a grown-up, how can I help?" [And let's be honest, I do not think that I have ever heard someone scream out, "I need a grown-up", but if the situation arises, I can now step up to the plate.]
I like me. And I mean that. I used to say it and it was a lie. I used to hate myself. Not this year. This year I learned to love myself and although I'm not perfect, I've learned to appreciate my flaws. I have talents that other people do not, so it is only fair that I would also have some limitations. This has been a great year, and if next year is better, I will truly be one of the luckiest guys alive.
Now for New Year's Resolutions:
Be a better listener.
I believe I am an excellent listener. I often times have friends tell me that they can not believe that I remember things they have told me. But, it is because when people speak to me, I listen. That doesn't mean that I can not improve. This year, I will be a better listener.
Force myself to go out at least once a week.I do not like going out. In the two months since me and Gault broke up, I have been out around 17 times. Before that, I don't think I had been out 17 times in 6 months. I like to sit home and have quiet time. However this year, I am going to make myself go out more and make more friends. I will not let social anxiety keep me down.
Use Google Calendar more.
I have a knack for remembering almost everything. This upcoming year I am going to offload some of the workload to Google Calendar. That way I can better organize my life.
Goals:
Get lines on 3 different shows
Publish the 2nd book
Start a youtube channel for my skits
I think the goals are pretty self explanatory.
In closing, I wish I had some really amazing quote to put here at the end to inspire all of you for 2012. Unfortunately I do not. But maybe the best quote I can give is none at all. There is no quote that says if each person in this upcoming year goes out and lives their life to the best of their ability, and tries to love their neighbor that the world will be a better place. There is no quote that says not everyone sees things the way you do, and that's ok. There's no quote that says "Just try, and smile, and love, and things will turn out ok", but there should be.
