Saturday, February 22, 2014
#SlutShaming is NEVER cool
I cannot stand people that #slutshame. I don't even like the word slut. If a girl wants to be a stripper, let her strip. If a woman wants to do porn, let her fuck. If a woman wants to be a prostitute, let her turn her tricks.
We have this really messed up notion that people who enjoy sex with different partners are below or beneath us. How often are the people that say this secretly envious of these experiences. I have friends that have only had one partner their entire life, and friends that have had over a hundred. NEVER ONCE have I given a care to their sex life.
Every woman that I date, I never ask them their number, and I will never tell them mine. Maybe since I have "experienced" life, I have a different view. BUT, even with me enjoying more than one partner in my life, I would never judge someone who has had only one. If someone finds the right person, and that person is "the one", then more power to them.
Here are things more important to me than my partner's number of sexual partners:
How is their sense of humor?
Are they mentally stable?
Are they able to support themselves financially?
Do I find them attractive?
Can they high five?
Are they good at cuddling?
Are they stylish?
Are they generous in spirit?
Would they be there for me when I need them?
Do I like their hairstyle?
I could go on listing for 3 days, and still never get to their sexual past. My only concern there is, "Are they clean?" If so, boom, it is on!
If you care about your partner's past, why? Please leave comments below explaining your view OR if you want to keep it private, email me. My guess is that if you care, it is because you feel like you might be inferior in the sack if they have had a lot of partners. Let me calm that fear. If you are inferior, and a person loves you, they will work with you and teach you what they like. Just listen. I've learned that 96% of women like different things, and there are only two spots guaranteed to make her go crazy (one of those is the G). [Sorry guys, I will not divulge these secrets]
If you care about a stranger's sexual history, why? And if you care, have you ever watched porn?
I remember being younger, and using terms like slut, and hoe. Now that I am older, and wiser; I feel so ignorant for using those hurtful words. And I will be honest, the majority of the time I used those words, is when I was upset that a girl didn't want me! She was a "slut" because she fucked other guys that were not me. Had she been fucking me, that term would have never been uttered. That's why I used it, why do you?
We are so quick to call people names, and give them labels without getting to know the person. I am NOT my sex life. My name is Brian Spain, and yes I have sex. And according to my Facebook posts, people like me and think I'm a generally swell guy. A lot of people say I'm the nicest person they know. I don't agree with that statement, but it is told to me quite often. So, if I am the such a great guy, am I also a "slut" for enjoying sex with more than one person in my life? I will never admit my number, it could be 2, it could be 200, but the point is; all of you that know me, love me (or at least like me) for me. And how many times have you thought about the number of people I have slept with? Probably 0, right? So let's just say I've had sex with 100 women or more. [Not saying that I have or haven't, I'm just using this as an example] If I have had sex with 101 women, am I still the good person that I've been considered for so long, or do your views on me change?
I'm going to make a video about this blog. What really pushed my button to write about it today though was the article below. I have no problem with someone doing porn. I've had friends that have done porn, and I have friends that are either strippers now, or used to strip. A lot of times these friends tell me they like me because I'm not judgmental. I appreciate that, because I work VERY hard at not judging. I feel like it is engrained in us to judge, but I fight that every time I see it pop up. I will leave you with this Bible verse, which is one of my favorites:
Matthew Chapter 7, Verse 3:
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
http://m.xojane.com/sex/duke-university-freshman-porn-star
Saturday, February 15, 2014
If you were sad on Valentine's Day, it was YOUR fault.
So Valentine's Day has passed, or as I usually refer to it S.A.D. [Singles Awareness Day] and whether single, or in a relationship; I hope you all had an enjoyable one.
For my fellow single friends that I saw complaining about the holiday, some words of advice. And you do not have to listen because I am in no way an expert, but I'm saying this because I care, and I feel like it needs to be said.
If you were sad and lonely on Valentine's Day, it is your fault. You have NO ONE else to blame but yourself. (Unless your significant other died recently, then ignore this) I am very much single, and I had a blast! Full disclosure: I woke up yesterday morning so very sad. I didn't cry, but it would not have taken much to get me to that point. But, after my first can of Mtn Dew that changed. I refused to be sad, and I refused to feel lonely. I made the choice to be happy. I counted my blessings.
This paragraph is a tangent, so if you want to skip it and go to the next, feel free to. Now I've had my fair share of ladies in my life over the past few years (way too many to count), and it would not have been hard for me to find a romantic date, but I didn't want one. At this point in time my life, there are only four women I find attractive. One is Turtle (my ex) and I have no plans of ever getting back together with her. As much love as we have for one another, we're just not right for each other. One is married, and I NEVER mess with a married woman. That leaves two women for me in this entire world. The one everyone knows is Nina Davuluri (Miss America) who has a boyfriend and I don't mess around with that either. That only leaves ONE other woman that only 6 of my closet friends and my parents know about. However, I have no way of contacting her, but one day I will. I just know making her laugh is one of the happiest moments of my life. :-) So when it comes to spending Valentine's day with someone in a romantic way, pickings were slim.
Around a month ago I asked my friend Amy to be my valentine. I think Amy is one of the smartest, and prettiest women that I know. She is a ridiculously gifted artist, and I have never had a bad time with her. I also knew we could be Valentine's and not have that weird, 'What is the other person thinking" thing going on.
For Valentine's, we planned something fun. Neither of us have ever been to White Castle, so we went there and lost our White Castle virginity to one another. It was a BLAST!!!! They waited on us like it was a fancy restaurant, and it was honestly the BEST service I have ever gotten anywhere in the North. Terrell was my personal waiter, but all four servers would check on us constantly. Each time they apologized for interrupting our conversation, but they wanted to make sure we were doing ok. Their service was OUTSTANDING! We left there and went to Chuck E. Cheese and played games! After that we went our separate ways. I may or may not have went to a karaoke place after that, and watched a guy dump his girlfriend ON VALENTINE's via song. Then I may or may not have taken her out for a drink afterwards. I DID for a fact come home and watch "Bend it like Beckham" again.
I went to bed last night happy. Although I am "alone" aka "single", I didn't let that get me down, although it would have been easy to wallow. So anyone that was sad yesterday, remember you CHOSE to be sad. And some people make excuses… "But Brian, I don't have places like that to go in my town" or "But Brian, I don't have any friends of the opposite sex I can do that with".
If you said that, you are making an excuse, not trying to find a solution. I'm writing this today because BELIEVE IT OR NOT there will be ANOTHER Valentine's Day next year. So start planning NOW what you can do to rectify the situation. I remember one year I just had a few friends over to my house "NO COUPLES ALLOWED" and we watched movies, played board games (I love Scatagories), and ate a meal together. That way we were not alone on the holiday. Valentine's Day should be about love, not about sadness. It doesn't have to be about love for a significant other, just spread love in general.
If you need help for next year, feel free to message me and I can give you some pointers. I know this post probably makes me sound like a Dick, but at least I'm a dick that cares enough about you to not want to see you post sad stuff next year.
For my fellow single friends that I saw complaining about the holiday, some words of advice. And you do not have to listen because I am in no way an expert, but I'm saying this because I care, and I feel like it needs to be said.
If you were sad and lonely on Valentine's Day, it is your fault. You have NO ONE else to blame but yourself. (Unless your significant other died recently, then ignore this) I am very much single, and I had a blast! Full disclosure: I woke up yesterday morning so very sad. I didn't cry, but it would not have taken much to get me to that point. But, after my first can of Mtn Dew that changed. I refused to be sad, and I refused to feel lonely. I made the choice to be happy. I counted my blessings.
This paragraph is a tangent, so if you want to skip it and go to the next, feel free to. Now I've had my fair share of ladies in my life over the past few years (way too many to count), and it would not have been hard for me to find a romantic date, but I didn't want one. At this point in time my life, there are only four women I find attractive. One is Turtle (my ex) and I have no plans of ever getting back together with her. As much love as we have for one another, we're just not right for each other. One is married, and I NEVER mess with a married woman. That leaves two women for me in this entire world. The one everyone knows is Nina Davuluri (Miss America) who has a boyfriend and I don't mess around with that either. That only leaves ONE other woman that only 6 of my closet friends and my parents know about. However, I have no way of contacting her, but one day I will. I just know making her laugh is one of the happiest moments of my life. :-) So when it comes to spending Valentine's day with someone in a romantic way, pickings were slim.
Around a month ago I asked my friend Amy to be my valentine. I think Amy is one of the smartest, and prettiest women that I know. She is a ridiculously gifted artist, and I have never had a bad time with her. I also knew we could be Valentine's and not have that weird, 'What is the other person thinking" thing going on.
For Valentine's, we planned something fun. Neither of us have ever been to White Castle, so we went there and lost our White Castle virginity to one another. It was a BLAST!!!! They waited on us like it was a fancy restaurant, and it was honestly the BEST service I have ever gotten anywhere in the North. Terrell was my personal waiter, but all four servers would check on us constantly. Each time they apologized for interrupting our conversation, but they wanted to make sure we were doing ok. Their service was OUTSTANDING! We left there and went to Chuck E. Cheese and played games! After that we went our separate ways. I may or may not have went to a karaoke place after that, and watched a guy dump his girlfriend ON VALENTINE's via song. Then I may or may not have taken her out for a drink afterwards. I DID for a fact come home and watch "Bend it like Beckham" again.
I went to bed last night happy. Although I am "alone" aka "single", I didn't let that get me down, although it would have been easy to wallow. So anyone that was sad yesterday, remember you CHOSE to be sad. And some people make excuses… "But Brian, I don't have places like that to go in my town" or "But Brian, I don't have any friends of the opposite sex I can do that with".
If you said that, you are making an excuse, not trying to find a solution. I'm writing this today because BELIEVE IT OR NOT there will be ANOTHER Valentine's Day next year. So start planning NOW what you can do to rectify the situation. I remember one year I just had a few friends over to my house "NO COUPLES ALLOWED" and we watched movies, played board games (I love Scatagories), and ate a meal together. That way we were not alone on the holiday. Valentine's Day should be about love, not about sadness. It doesn't have to be about love for a significant other, just spread love in general.
If you need help for next year, feel free to message me and I can give you some pointers. I know this post probably makes me sound like a Dick, but at least I'm a dick that cares enough about you to not want to see you post sad stuff next year.
Friday, February 14, 2014
BEST Valentine's Day EVER!
This post was blogged on my Myspace Blog MANY years ago! I miss my Myspace Blog. I had a lot of followers on that, and it got over a thousand views a month. WOO HOO! Since most of you were not my friends on Myspace, you probably never saw this. So let me re-tell it.
I have no idea what the year was, but I was still living in Elkin, NC. I was dating a girl (we shall call her "Sarah") that was my first love. The first time I had really hung out with her was the Valentine's Day the year before. We had a group triple date. Shortly after that, me and Sarah began dating.
I wanted to do something really special for Sarah's Valentine's Day, but I wanted to surprise her. It was REALLY hard to surprise this girl. However, I had a plan.
About a week before Valentine's Day, I started getting "sick". I was perfectly healthy, but any time I talked to Sarah, I felt terrible. If I was around her, I thought I had a fever. The day before Valentine's I told her that I was the worst I had been, but there is no way I wouldn't have Valentine's with her. I had called her cousin when I first came up with this plan. Her cousin was her best friend; and I knew for my plan to work, her cousin would have to be involved.
The day of Valentine's (it was a Saturday), I called Sarah around noon and said, "Babe, I'm so sorry. I've got a fever and I've been puking all morning. There is NO WAY I can see you today". She was MAD! However, she was a sweetheart so she didn't tell me she was mad. I could hear it in her voice though.
Sure enough, as soon as I got off the phone with her, she called her cousin. Shortly after her cousin called me to say, "It worked! I have to warn you she is ANGRY!" Her cousin had told her that the two of them would go out instead. Luckily that had worked.
By now, I had started driving all over town to pick up the things for that night. I even had to drive an hour away to pick up a Calzone from this place that Sarah loved. I got home that night about 30 minutes before Sarah was to arrive. I put the calzone in the oven to keep reheat it. Sarah's cousin had said to her, "You know what, we should stop by Brian's just so you can see him for a minute on Valentine's Day". Sarah agreed. When Sarah and her cousin got to my door, I opened the door wearing a suit. [Although I wear suits quite often now, I rarely did so back then, as a matter of fact I can only remember wearing one three times.] Sarah was surprised, and for a VERY brief time she was mad. She thought I had other plans! haha I said, "Oh, it is so good to see you madam. Your table is ready". She turned around to look at her cousin who was smiling ear to ear. Her cousin said goodbye and went back to her car. I took walked Sarah's to her table, and took her coat.
I pulled out her chair, and she sat down. I handed her a menu (I took one from the restaurant) and suggested the calzone. [I do NOT know what I would have said had she ordered something else]. I walked away to get her drink. When I came back, I said, "Wow, it really is a shame a woman as beautiful as you is having to spend Valentine's Day in a restaurant alone. Do you mind if I join you?" She allowed me to sit to take her order. She DID order the calzone… JACKPOT! I brought her a salad, and upon finishing that, I brought her the calzone. We sat, and chatted. The entire time I stayed in character as the waiter. When she finished the calzone, I brought her dessert. I think it was a cannoli.
We then went to the living room, where we watched "Hope Floats" (one of her favorite movies).
She was so surprised by all of this. I remember her saying, "But you're sick". And I laughed. I said, "Hun, I've been faking sick all week so that I could surprise you". Then, she realized that her cousin was in on it, and it finally hit her how much work I put into it. The look of joy and happiness in her face is not something I will ever forget.
I've had many great Valentine's Days in my life, but this is one that will always be one of the most special, because it was my first Valentine's Day I was truly happy.
Happy Valentine's Day everyone!
I have no idea what the year was, but I was still living in Elkin, NC. I was dating a girl (we shall call her "Sarah") that was my first love. The first time I had really hung out with her was the Valentine's Day the year before. We had a group triple date. Shortly after that, me and Sarah began dating.
I wanted to do something really special for Sarah's Valentine's Day, but I wanted to surprise her. It was REALLY hard to surprise this girl. However, I had a plan.
About a week before Valentine's Day, I started getting "sick". I was perfectly healthy, but any time I talked to Sarah, I felt terrible. If I was around her, I thought I had a fever. The day before Valentine's I told her that I was the worst I had been, but there is no way I wouldn't have Valentine's with her. I had called her cousin when I first came up with this plan. Her cousin was her best friend; and I knew for my plan to work, her cousin would have to be involved.
The day of Valentine's (it was a Saturday), I called Sarah around noon and said, "Babe, I'm so sorry. I've got a fever and I've been puking all morning. There is NO WAY I can see you today". She was MAD! However, she was a sweetheart so she didn't tell me she was mad. I could hear it in her voice though.
Sure enough, as soon as I got off the phone with her, she called her cousin. Shortly after her cousin called me to say, "It worked! I have to warn you she is ANGRY!" Her cousin had told her that the two of them would go out instead. Luckily that had worked.
By now, I had started driving all over town to pick up the things for that night. I even had to drive an hour away to pick up a Calzone from this place that Sarah loved. I got home that night about 30 minutes before Sarah was to arrive. I put the calzone in the oven to keep reheat it. Sarah's cousin had said to her, "You know what, we should stop by Brian's just so you can see him for a minute on Valentine's Day". Sarah agreed. When Sarah and her cousin got to my door, I opened the door wearing a suit. [Although I wear suits quite often now, I rarely did so back then, as a matter of fact I can only remember wearing one three times.] Sarah was surprised, and for a VERY brief time she was mad. She thought I had other plans! haha I said, "Oh, it is so good to see you madam. Your table is ready". She turned around to look at her cousin who was smiling ear to ear. Her cousin said goodbye and went back to her car. I took walked Sarah's to her table, and took her coat.
I pulled out her chair, and she sat down. I handed her a menu (I took one from the restaurant) and suggested the calzone. [I do NOT know what I would have said had she ordered something else]. I walked away to get her drink. When I came back, I said, "Wow, it really is a shame a woman as beautiful as you is having to spend Valentine's Day in a restaurant alone. Do you mind if I join you?" She allowed me to sit to take her order. She DID order the calzone… JACKPOT! I brought her a salad, and upon finishing that, I brought her the calzone. We sat, and chatted. The entire time I stayed in character as the waiter. When she finished the calzone, I brought her dessert. I think it was a cannoli.
We then went to the living room, where we watched "Hope Floats" (one of her favorite movies).
She was so surprised by all of this. I remember her saying, "But you're sick". And I laughed. I said, "Hun, I've been faking sick all week so that I could surprise you". Then, she realized that her cousin was in on it, and it finally hit her how much work I put into it. The look of joy and happiness in her face is not something I will ever forget.
I've had many great Valentine's Days in my life, but this is one that will always be one of the most special, because it was my first Valentine's Day I was truly happy.
Happy Valentine's Day everyone!
Worst Valentine's Day Ever
My worst Valentine's Day EVER happened on Valentine's of 2008.
This is a short story, but it had a big impact on me.
I had met a woman several months prior. We went out a few times, and I was SMITTEN. I'm convinced she cared for me too, but in some sort of fucked up way. She still hadn't gotten over her ex, who was a total waste of life, when we met. I have no idea what she saw in him, but hey "the heart wants what it wants".
We dated, but nothing serious had become of it. In my blind love for her (I am not used to falling for someone in such a short period of time. Normally I do not fall for someone at all), I didn't' realize that no matter how awesome I was to her, I would still lose to the jerk.
I asked this lovely lady out for Valentine's Day, and she said she would love to, but she had to work. I felt bad for her having to work on Valentine's; so I decided to do something nice for her.
Instead of sending her flowers to work, I decided to deliver them myself. That ways I could at least see her for a couple of minutes. I got the flowers, I got her a stuffed animal "El Toro of Love", and headed to the restaurant where she worked. I arrived, and told them that I was there to see _______. The hostess looked at me like I had two heads and said, "She doesn't work today". I felt soooooo stupid. Normally no one else can make me feel stupid, but I felt SOOOOO dumb. I think I replied, "ohhhhhhhh OH. Oh…. Ummmm I guess I misunderstood". I left the stuff there for her, and left.
Looking back, I realize that I should have never done anything nice for this girl. No matter what I did, she would always chose the crappy guy. I just felt at the time that if I was nice enough, and showed her she didn't have to be with a loser, she would chose me. I was wrong. Three weeks later I moved to NYC on a whim.
I have never been angry, or held any ill feelings towards this woman. She finally broke free from the loser, and that made me so happy. To this day we are friends, and I still love her. My wish for her, is that she will always realize what a wonderful person she is, and that she will never allow another to bring her down again. You know for me to love someone like this, they have to be pretty amazing.
This is a short story, but it had a big impact on me.
I had met a woman several months prior. We went out a few times, and I was SMITTEN. I'm convinced she cared for me too, but in some sort of fucked up way. She still hadn't gotten over her ex, who was a total waste of life, when we met. I have no idea what she saw in him, but hey "the heart wants what it wants".
We dated, but nothing serious had become of it. In my blind love for her (I am not used to falling for someone in such a short period of time. Normally I do not fall for someone at all), I didn't' realize that no matter how awesome I was to her, I would still lose to the jerk.
I asked this lovely lady out for Valentine's Day, and she said she would love to, but she had to work. I felt bad for her having to work on Valentine's; so I decided to do something nice for her.
Instead of sending her flowers to work, I decided to deliver them myself. That ways I could at least see her for a couple of minutes. I got the flowers, I got her a stuffed animal "El Toro of Love", and headed to the restaurant where she worked. I arrived, and told them that I was there to see _______. The hostess looked at me like I had two heads and said, "She doesn't work today". I felt soooooo stupid. Normally no one else can make me feel stupid, but I felt SOOOOO dumb. I think I replied, "ohhhhhhhh OH. Oh…. Ummmm I guess I misunderstood". I left the stuff there for her, and left.
Looking back, I realize that I should have never done anything nice for this girl. No matter what I did, she would always chose the crappy guy. I just felt at the time that if I was nice enough, and showed her she didn't have to be with a loser, she would chose me. I was wrong. Three weeks later I moved to NYC on a whim.
I have never been angry, or held any ill feelings towards this woman. She finally broke free from the loser, and that made me so happy. To this day we are friends, and I still love her. My wish for her, is that she will always realize what a wonderful person she is, and that she will never allow another to bring her down again. You know for me to love someone like this, they have to be pretty amazing.
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