[NOTE: I was depressed for the two weeks leading up to Valentine's Day, and after reading this, I think you should be able to figure out why. But something magical happened as I was writing this on Monday the 13th, I realized that I deserve to be happy. I didn't post this because I wanted time to think about whether I should post it or not since my feelings were changing. However, after much consideration, I do believe that it deserves to be posted: Enjoy!]
I love Valentine's Day. There, I said it. I admit it, and it is in writing. When I am dating a girl, I try to at LEAST once every few weeks do something really sweet and romantic for her so that she knows how much I love her. But a lot of the time, I only try to do the small things so that she knows she is loved. But on Valentine's, most couples try to up their romance, and I think romance is sexy.
I begrudgingly love Single's Awareness Day (aka SAD). It is only loved because I choose to embrace it as opposed to sitting home all day feeling sorry for myself. This year to take my mind off of the fact I am so desperately alone in this world, I will be hosting a Valentine's comedy show at Broadway Comedy Club in New York City. I will have the hottest Valentine I have ever had with me. I should be stoked. I should be the happiest I've ever been for a Valentine's Day. I will be doing the job I love, having someone I adore watching me perform, and then taking her out for a lovely Valentine's date afterward. A lot of people would love being me for the evening.
However, I will still carry my hint of sadness. My heart still hurts from the dumping from my ex. Last Valentine's we spent the night together working at our Crumb-y job. It was actually one of the best days I had at that job. We sold out of cupcakes by 3:30 or 4. A second shipment came around 5:30, and those sold out by 6:15. For the rest of the night there was not much to do. The best part of it all was that I was spending it with a girl I was in love with. I was so smitten by this woman. She is smart, beautiful, witty, and talented. But I think the thing I loved about her most is that she is the first person I've dated where I trusted her completely and felt like she accepted me for me. So often I feel like people find me to be retarded, but she saw me for the good things that make me, me.
After work, we went back to her apartment in Chelsea and watched a movie. I know it wasn't fancy, or extravagant, or anything to make a romantic comedy about, but it was my best Valentine of my adult life because I was with someone I truly loved.
Neither of us work for the Crumb-y company that we used to work for. I know it is silly, but one of the first things I thought of when we both quit last April was "NOW we can have proper holidays together!" Valentine's was at the top of the list. I am a hopeless romantic, and I had always wanted a Valentine I actually loved to share the day with and plan romance. My wheels were already spinning on how I could wow her.
Flash forward a year to this Valentine's Day and she is nowhere to be found. My dream Valentine has been shattered. That is why even though I will be doing what I really love this Valentine's Day, I will be sad inside because the person that means the most to me will not be there. No Wrapido. No Hitchcock movie. No curled up on the couch not being able to get close enough to her even though I'm already squeezing her tight.
I know I should be thankful for all of the blessings I will have this year. I'm lucky to be doing the job I love on this day. I am lucky to have the hottest Valentine in New York. I'm lucky that I will have friends come to my show. I am lucky that my Valentine is willing to share me with a crowd that night. I am lucky.... But not lucky enough, because my former love will not be there.
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