Wednesday, October 31, 2012

How to Turn a Guy on!

First, I want to say thanks to all of the ladies who messaged me (either via text or email) to let me know they appreciated the last post. It actually was the most feedback I have gotten from a blog post since I moved to blogger from myspace (remember that?). I was rather surprised none of those comments made it onto the actual blog, but then I thought about the subject matter. It makes sense in this day of an interconnected on-line world  that people would not want their thoughts, comments, and questions on sex in a public online forum. Feel free to continue texting/emailing if that makes you feel more at ease. As stated in the previous blog, all interactions with me are anonymous. With that out of the way:  Let's BLOGG!

In the last blog, I had what a guy is thinking about, and how simple we really are. I think I will continue with that, and then for the next blog do Gal Talk! (For the Fellas).

Ladies, it is not hard to get us guys in the mood. I know this sounds weird, but it is not. I have a certain friend who was shocked.... SHOCKED to find out exactly how little it does to get guys into the mood. And, when I share it with you, you will probably be shocked too. First, I think it is only fair to give a few things that it takes to get a girl in the mood.

First of all guys, smell nice. If you want to get a girl in the mood, the first thing you need to do is take a shower, and get yourself all nice & clean. Then, put on some clean clothes (IRON THOSE MOFOS!) Feel free to spritz yourself with a little bit of cologne. All you need is a little bit; do not go crazy! Trust me on this. I know our mentality, if a little bit is good, then a lot must be GREAT! It is not. Just a little bit will do ya.

When you first meet her, give her a sincere complement. SINCERE! (that does not mean "You're hott!")

Then guys, you need to take her someplace nice. If you want a classy lady to enjoy your company: eliminate fast food. No girl wants to begin a courtship at Taco Bell. [Nothing against Taco Bell! I love the Dorito's Locos Taco, as well as Chalupas and Gorditas. I could eat Taco Bell every day of my life and be happy. However, this is not what gets a woman going.] If the lady you are courting ends up being "The one", they do not want to remember the date as, "oh we went to Taco Bell". And again, I'm sure your date will LOVE Taco Bell! Who wouldn't love their delicious selections? Especially with the new Cantina selections. But, this isn't what they want on a date.

Guys, pay attention to her while you are on the date. Now I know you will want to focus on how awesome you are. And we both know you are awesome, but how about letting her talk. Ask her questions. Get to know her. I'm not saying interview her. But, spend more time getting to know her, than talking about yourself. We have all fallen prey to wanting to boast about all of the things we do in order to seem interesting. But, if she is on a date with you, she has already found you to be at least a bit interesting. You do not have to blow your load in the first conversation. I'm sure you have heard, "Leave her wanting more". So guess what, leave her wanting more.

Everything I have given you so far is a good start. This will not have the woman "all gassed up and ready to go", but it is a start. There is a lot more work to be done to get her fully aroused. However, I shall save that for another day.

Now ladies, since you have been so patient while I explained to the gentlemen the beginnings of what it takes to get you in the mood; I shall now share with you what it takes to get us in the mood. I will give you a a minute to get a notepad and pencil.....

Ready? So ladies, in order to get a guy in the mood, and interested in bedding you... unbutton a button on your top.

That's it. Done. You're welcome. Suffice it to say, it is much easier for you ladies. You have to unbutton a button.

I KNOW right now there are some of you that are like, "NO! No way! It can't be that easy!" If you don't believe me, try it. When you are with a guy, and you want to get him in the mood, look him in the eye, and then unbutton the top most buttoned button on your blouse. See what happens next. That look in his eyes; that's you driving him crazy.

I believe this series is going to go on longer than 4 blogs. I have more to talk about how to turn on the fairer sex, and in the next blog I want to talk about a DEEP, DARK secret that you ladies may not know about us.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Guy Talk! (for the ladies)

The other night I was at dinner with a lovely lady that I formerly saw in a romantic way. She decided to talk to me about her guy problems. She explained how it seems like every guy she meets, all they want to do is have sex with her. I was like, "Right, go on?" To which she informed me, THAT is the problem. She doesn't understand why she only attracts guys that want to have sex with her. She wanted to find a guy that would appreciate her for her, not her vagina.

I laughed. It was a chortle, but I wanted it to be a belly laugh. I said, "Honey, you do realize that any guy that goes on a date with any girl wants to have sex with her". She was blown away. She said, "NO! That can't be. When we dated you never tried to have sex with me".

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh", I said, "But that didn't mean that I did not want to have sex with you. I wanted to fuck you so freaking bad! I just never said anything because you told me on the first date that you were not that kind of girl, and I did not want to disrespect you".

The following three minutes mostly revolved around her giving various faces of disbelief, and repeating "really" in various valley girl tones. With 5 seconds of conversation, I had given her years worth of material to think about. When she relapsed back into reality the first thing she did was laugh exceedingly hard. I would consider it her ab workout for the day. Her first utterance was this, "You need to blog about this". I scoffed, and she become more intense, "You REALLY need to blog about this. Women do not know this about men". So now I present to you ladies, a blog about men, and what we think. If you enjoy it, you can thank my friend for needling me to write it. If you do not enjoy it, you can blame me for not writing it well enough.

I think first and foremost, before the blog begins, I should let you know that I am not a normal guy. I have grown up with most of my friends being female. Therefore, I sometimes think more femininely than manly man. If my views do not line up with the average male, it is because I am not average. And for any guy that wants to "pull my mancard" for being so in touch with my feminine side, and admitting that women are smarter that us men; I am more of a man than you can dream of being. Ask any woman I've bedded.This has been my disclaimer, and now on to the show.

Guys. We are not too incredibly complex. On my normal day I think about: God, titties, my family, boobies, my friends, tah-tahs, what work I have to do, asses, do I have any chores when I get home that night, tits, what are my plans for the weekend, butts, hey my birthday is coming up!, and sweet sweet honey wah-poon! (By the way honey wah-poon (or hwp) is what I will be using for this blog to speak of a woman's vagina. I have no problems with using pussy, cunt, twat, muff, nappy dugout, or any other term, but I know some ladies do not like such vulgar terms and therefore hwp satisfies their need for me to keep it clean)

I have been very blessed over the years, to have had moderate success with the ladies. If you read Cosmo, I'm doing better than average. This in no way means that I am an expert in male-female relationships, but I know enough to feel comfortable writing this.

Single guys spend a lot of time thinking about how to see a chick naked live and in person. Girls, when a guy takes you on a date, he wants to see you naked. I do not know of a single guy that says to himself, "Gosh, ________ is so pretty. I just want to take her to dinner, and pick her brain so bad! I hope she has something interesting to say about politics, or her religious beliefs!"

That doesn't happen. Guys generally go on the first date thinking, "Hey, I wonder if I wear THIS shirt, and THIS cologne, and take her to THIS restaurant, if she will blow me?" Then, when no blowing happens at the end of the date, the try to make amends to their gameplan so that the next date goes "better". Now ladies, do NOT take this the wrong way. Usually, when a guy goes on a date with you, SEX is NOT the only thing he wants. Every guy can get sex without having to take a girl on the date. No matter what language you use, there will always be hood rats, white trash, and palaylos that will put out with little to no effort. A guy normally goes out with you because he finds something about you endearing. You possess a quality or qualities that he admires. I believe the percentage of guys who go on dates with girls just because they think they are hot, or because they want to bang them is much less than would be expected. Even with that, I would say it is a solid 50%. (which may be higher than some expect) I will not go out with someone unless I want to see them naked. I will admit that. However, every woman I go out with, has to have qualities that I admire in order to make me put forth the effort to go on dates with them. I will give you three examples.

The lovely female that encouraged me to write this blog. She is a very strict Christian. I find that quality to be endearing. She has a smile that can light up a room. She is very goal oriented, and has a lot of irons in the fire. I like driven women. I decided to go out with her because of these traits. The fact she is hot is just the added bonus. Had she only been hot, I would have never spent the time to take her out.

The second woman I will mention, is so lovely. I met her at bar, and the second I saw her I was like "WOW! She is gorgeous!" [I must inform you that I never do one night stands, and I will never sleep with a girl the night I meet her. I know that is different than a lot of guys that go to bars] As I talked to her that night, she seemed like a really awesome chick. She came across as polite, and fun, and a good person. Then she said, "I'm the kind of girl your mom warned you about". From all of the interactions I had with her up until that point, this didn't jibe. It made me want to know more about her. I will admit the first time I saw this woman, I wanted to take her to bed, BUT had our conversation not been so engaging, that interest would have been lost. Our first date their were drinks involved, and she made it back to my place. There was no copulation that evening. Get your mind out of the gutter. [This will be further discussed later]

And finally, my third example. I found this woman on an online dating site. The woman had a profile name that I thought was awesome. So I wrote her something smart ass about it, and she replied with a smart ass quip. I replied with something kind of hood, and she had a hood reply as well! This woman had spunk. I loved that she was an account executive with a really professional career, but could quote rap lyrics to me. Again, I wanted to see this woman naked, BUT had there been nothing else between us, I would not have went out with her.

So ladies, from these examples, I wanted you to see that YES, guys that go out with you want to see you naked, but that is usually not the only reason they go out with you. Yes, there are slimeballs that will try to bang anything that moves, and they care nothing about the girl, but that is just one end of the bell curve. Just like the opposite end would be the guys who care absolutely nothing about having sex with a girl while they are dating. I'm shooting for the middle of the bell to address as wide an audience as possible. With all of this being said, you should remember this, "If a guy ask you on a date, there is a 97.8% chance that he wants to fuck you".

That's it for this first blog on this matter. I have a LOT more to say, but it will be in future blogs. Ladies, if you have some questions that you want answered honestly, feel free to email me at Feel free to include a picture of your boobs to inspire me to answer it. ;-) [Questions will be anonymous and the fact you sent a boob pic will NEVER be mentioned.]

Stay tuned to the future blogs for:

Guys lie.
Guys, go down?
Hey, what does it mean when a guy does this? (SUPER HONEST Answers to your questions)