Friday, August 16, 2013

I still, haven't found... what I'm looking for. (Part Three: The Reckoning)

If you have made it this far, kudos to you. If you read the other two blogs in the same sitting, and now going to try to conquer this beast. You deserve a reward. If you are female, reward yourself by taking  a picture of your boobs, and emailing it to haha In return, you will receive a VERY kind, and VERY sincere compliment plus thank you note. Guys, you can reward yourselves by going to pornhub and typing in "bukake". You're welcome. Now ONNNNN to the blog!

So after all of the other words, in the other blogs, I get to what I still haven't found. Which is... what I'm looking for. HEY! That would be a great song title! Yeah....

The greatest thing about dating all of these random women, is that I have now finely tuned, and narrowed down what I am looking for. And as crazy as it may sound, I 100% believe she is out there, and I am going to find her soon. And, it is going to be AWESOME!

What I'm looking for (and this will probably get longer as I think of more and more things):

I'm pretty sure if I put this on my OKC profile (OKCupid for those who didn't read the other blogs), I would get absolutely NO hits, but this is the most honest I can be. If you know anyone like this, please introduce us! I will make you this deal right now, if you introduce me to my future wife; I will put you in the wedding party! You can be my best man! (Unless my dad wants to be my best man, then you can be 2nd Best man [yes, if you are female I will get you in the wedding!]

I want an Indian woman. I want her to be between 5'7", and 5'11". I do not care specifically about her actual numbered weight, but I want her to be skinny, and prefer she have some semblance of abs. If she runs, or does yoga that is great. I want her to inspire me to get into better shape (even though I already swim and run some, I need to do more).

I would really like for her to be a lawyer, but a doctor is ok. Those are about the only two professions I am into. Luckily for me, a lot of Indian fathers expect the same thing. haha I am really sold on marrying a Lawyer though. (And it isn't a money thing. She could be a not-for-profit lawyer. I just love law, and most lawyers I know are really good arguers, and I am one of the best. I need someone on my level, or even better than me (fat chance) to challenge me.  Plus, lawyers usually understand fact based arguments, and not emotional ones. I LOVE dating lawyers! 

I do not care if she is a Vegetarian or not, but definitely not a Vegan. I would love for her to teach me new dishes I do not already know how to cook.

She must be Hindu. She doesn't have to be super religious, but she has to know about Hinduism, and be able to teach our future children (if we have them) about it.

She has to have style. I have no issues if she is a t-shirt and jeans type of girl. But, she has to have the ability to dress up, and be stylish. When I am dressed up, and I'm walking down the street holding her hand, I want people to turn their heads and admire how awesome we look together. 

She has to be extremely secure with herself. Self confidence is sexy. I'm even fine with her being a little cocky. I do not want her to be completely conceited, but a little swag goes a long way. 

I want her to not get offended easily. Lord knows if she does, there will be some hurt feelings going on way too often. haha

She has to be accepting of all people no matter what their race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. The sole exceptions being she is allowed to dislike anyone who wears black and navy together. Gross! And also anyone who is a Jets fan. DOUBLE GROSS!

SHE HAS to be willing to be silly. If we are in the grocery store, and "Sexy and I Know It" comes on, she better "wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle... yeah" with me. Or we will have problems. 

She will understand that our relationship should be one based on complementing each other, not completing each other. I am already my own person, I do not need someone else to complete me. I want someone to enhance my life. Big difference!

She should be just as comfortable going out, as staying home. I cannot express how much I love a night of a having dinner together, and then cuddling up together to watch a movie. 

She must have long hair. Nothing against my beautiful women with short hair, but I like it long. Speaking of hair, better not be any down there. I do not like fur balls when I'm doing my biddness down there. Gross. One final thing about hair, she can NOT be hirsute! In this day and age, if she is, she will need to get laser hair removal. Fact!

She has to have a butt. It may not be the biggest, but it has to be a nice curve. I may ask for a lot of boob pics, but I'm an ass man. 

She has to appreciate how handsome I am, but not love me for my looks. I want her to think I'm the smartest, funniest, most charming man in the room; no matter what room we are in. :-)

She has to be romantic. I am a HOPELESS romantic. And my last two serious girlfriends were not. It sucks. I want to bring flowers, right love notes, and make silly crafts just because I love her. 

Now these are the things that are not deal breakers, but are definitely bonus points:

I don't care if she is a gamer or not, but once a month or so, I would like her to play either Mario Party, or Mario Kart with me. Or maybe even Super Smash Brothers. 

I'd prefer she also speak Hindi, but if she speaks Gujarati that is not a deal breaker. And honestly, if she can't speak Hindi I will live. And if she can speak Spanish with me, BOOM! I hit the jackpot. Nothing is as sexy as speaking Spanish while preparing for a night of passion. 

I'd prefer her last name to be Gupta, Patel, or Singh. I KNOW that is picky, but if our kids have hyphenated names (completely up to her if we have kids, and if so whether their names are hyphonated or not); those are the ones I like the best. I mean, there are other names I like (i.e. Padmanabahn and Ramesh being two off the top of my head, but I feel five letter names work the best since mine is five letters)

She celebrates Indian holidays.

I'd prefer she either watch NASCAR with me, of at least ask how Junior did. She doesn't have to be a SuperFan, but at least show interest. Incredible bonus points if she will keep up with it with me. (I know you probably think it is crazy that an Indian woman would keep up with it, but I have dated one Indian woman who kept track of Dale Junior during every race (had his tracker on her computer), and dated another that worked with NASCAR for 4 years; so it happens)

And these things don't matter at all:

Age. I don't care if she is 27, or 37. It really doesn't matter to me. 

Family Size. I think it would be AWESOME if she had a huge family, but if her family is in India, and we only see them once or twice a year; I can swing that.

Money. Like I said prior, I do not care how much money she makes. As long as she is happy at her job, I am happy for her! 

I mentioned earlier, and will reiterate now, this list may have more things added to it as time goes on. But, I think for right now, this is a good start.

I still, haven't found... what I'm looking for. (Part Two)

Are you ready for part 2??? I would hope so since you clicked it. Unless, you are like me and click links, open them, and keep them open before you get up to go do something else. That way when you come back, it is there for you and you will not forget. If you do not do this, you should try it sometime. But I digress...

I go a little overboard. So, after not being able to get women in New York for so long, when I finally found my rhythm I went crazy. Since the break-up in November of 2011; I have dated more than 100 women. Your first thought might be, "BRIAN!!!! Where did you meet all of these women?" My reply is simple, "J-date". hahahaha I kid, I kid. I did for a month, but the women on there were weird. Or maybe they were all normal, and I'm the weird one. I'll accept the latter as the more correct statement. And, I was on OKC for about 5 months. (OKC is OKCupid) And although I like the concept of online dating; I do not think I am that good at it. I feel like people are pretty genuine in describing themselves as they see themselves. But, that isn't necessarily how a member of the opposite sex will see this person on a first date. I like my good, old fashioned, random face-to-face encounter.

As examples, in the past week I have met three women (who I hope do not read this blog, or maybe I hope they do). haha Technically I only met 2, but I wanted to meet the 3rd, but silly subway doors get in the way. I'll explain. I met the first woman on the train. She was gorgeous, wearing a yellow and white dress. I cannot recall her name. She works for a theater company on the business side, but wants to be an actress. She sat beside me on the train, and I planned my gameplan. I looked around the car, and saw a gentleman with a huge horse head in his lap. I tapped the lovely lady on the shoulder, waited for her to take her headphones out, pointed at the horsehead and said, "I wish I could say this was the first time seeing a huge horsehead on the subway, but I've lived a wild life". She laughed, I was funny, she laughed some more, and then we got coffee at her stop. I don't drink coffee, but I sure look good watching someone else drink it. haha

Example two this week is Lindsey. I was out the other night and it started raining. I was walking to the subway station, less than a block away, when I see a woman running the opposite direction. Without hesitation I turn, and begin running with her, holding the umbrella over her. She turns to me and says, "Are you serious right now?" as our run morphed into jog, then to walk. I said, "Yes. What kind of gentleman would I be if I didn't offer to escort you home in this monsoon?" She smiled and said, "You are fucking awesome!" I replied, "You are obviously correct!" She informed me she lived 10 blocks from the subway (five one way, five the other) and wanted to know if I really wanted to walk that far. I replied that I would kind of be an ass to stop now, and we kept walking. We talked, we laughed, and genuinely had a great 10 minutes together. She had been on a crappy first date with a guy she met on Tinder. She said he was hot, but he was an oversharer. I was like, "OH, within the first three minutes he told you his uncle molested him?" She laughed, and replied, "Not quite that bad, but close". Once I got her to  her doorstep, I gave her a hug, and a kiss on the cheek. I would have went for a full-on kiss, but I didn't want her to think I had walked her home, just to try to get some. I thought the walk home was the gentlemanly thing to do. I wasn't trying to get in her pants, so I did not want her to think so. Either way, I gave her my number, and she called me. We're supposed to go out next week. The one problem is, she didn't let it ring long enough (even though she let it ring for like 10 seconds), so her number never showed up on my caller id. :-( I finished our interaction with, "So, I am going out on a limb and saying I'm the highlight of your night". She agreed, and I was on my way. As I turned to walk away, it stopped raining.

Example three, which is the final example for this week was also a train situation. I got off the train at 79th street yesterday. As I walked down the platform, I saw a gorgeous, gorgeous woman sitting in the car that was beside the one I had ridden in. We locked eyes. I smiled, and threw up my hand to wave. She looked a little puzzled as if it was to her or not, so I smiled even bigger. I pointed at her, and then blew her a kiss. She grinned, and put her head down sheepishly. It was too adorable. Had the doors not already been closed, I would have jumped on that train, and ridden it another stop, just to get this woman's information. Alas, it wasn't to be. But, that woman had a feel good moment, and I'm sure the rest of the day she thought about the moment she shared with a stranger that blew her a kiss.

I guess the takeaway from this is, I'm not afraid to approach any woman, or to just be myself. Confidence is SO fucking sexy. And although I do enjoy being me, sometimes I have to tone down the Brian when I first meet someone.

Anyways, back to where I was headed: I had my slightly over 100 dates (I won't say how many, I do not want to seem tawdry), and it was an overload. I gave up dating for three months. And, this was three of the happiest months of my New York life. I've recently started dating again, and I feel a little rusty, but I'll be back in the swing of things before I know it. However, I don't want to be the guy that dates 3 or 4 (or 12) women at a time any more. I want to find that one special woman, and settle down.

I'll get to that in (Part Three)

I still, haven't found... what I'm looking for. (Part One)

Recently, I've been preparing for a series of blogs about what guys need to do to attract women. I do not want to say to bang women, or to kiss women, or to get women's phone numbers. I mean to attract them, to get their attention.

I haven't really told anyone (save for some close friends) my reasoning for this. I believe in a relatively short time, I will be retiring from "The Game". Feel free to make Air Quotes when you read that. If you didn't air quote; feel free to go back and re-read it so you can be a part of the group. I don't know why, but I have this overwhelming feeling that my Ms. Right (who will probably be a Ms. Gupta, Ms. Patel, or Ms. Singh) is right around the corner. I may be wrong, but I think it is time to prepare a new generation of men to figure out the female mystique. The first thing I will say about this mystique is that women do not know what they want. And, that is ok. It is our job as men to convince them that we are what they want. If we fail at that, it is our fault.

But enough about that. That is something that will be tackled in future blogs. The blog today is solely about me, and my search for "the one" (and I'm not talking about an awesome phone from HTC). One of the comments I would receive again, and again when I used to have 1,000 readers a month was that people enjoyed my writing because it was entertaining, but it was also honest, and emotional, and real. I will put myself out there. Hopefully this will be the first of many writings that fall back into that vein. If I come across conceited, or as if I'm bragging; I apologize in advance. I'm just trying to tell the story as accurately as possible.

In Greenville, North Carolina I dated a lot. It did NOT start out that way, but I ended my time there with a bang. And another bang. And several more bangs. (Shout out to Lisa and Erica) Ahhhh big fish, in a small town. I was a local celebrity, and it was an amazing thing.

It started out rough for me. I started ECU in 1999. I had NO self esteem. None. I spent almost every day of my life thinking I was a loser. However, I've always been an extrovert. I know the two are usually not married, but somehow this was who I was. I piddled around feeling sorry for myself until 2002. In those first 3 years, I did ok with the ladies. By "ok" (feel free to air quote again), I mean I probably made out with 3 or 4 girls a year. There was rarely any sex going on. This is how lame I was. I could get girls back to my place, in my bed, and sometimes in various levels of undress, and I still doubted if they wanted to hook up with me. Pathetic, right? But, I really couldn't see why anyone would want to be with me. It wasn't like anyone was telling me I was a loser. I had great roomies, and great friends, and I really had some attractive girls paying attention to me. But, I never felt like I had the value to have a girlfriend.

That all changed in 2002. I began working at Gadzooks. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me. The guy you meet today, had his genesis in the Plaza Mall of Greenville in April of 2002. I had the best boss ever. His name is Mike. I'd use his full name, but haven't asked his permission. He hired me because I would come shopping with my friends, and always pick out their outfits. From day one, he built me up every single day I worked with him. He would notice girls checking me out, and flirting, when I would not. He would say, "DUDE! She was totally into you, why didn't you get her number?" I couldn't see it. I would think, "Oh, she is just being nice because she feels sorry for me". The more time I spent at Gadzooks, the better I began to feel about myself.

Somewhere in those 3 years, I even got the nickname "Gadzooks" downtown. I could walk into a club, and the hottest chicks would come running up to me exclaiming, "GADZOOKS!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!! You picked out my outfit tonight!" To which I would reply something along the lines of, "Yes I did, and you look soooo fucking hot in it. I did a good job".

In my Gadzooks prime, I was dating 3 to 4 chicks a week. I never developed the ability to get any girl I wanted at first approach. My style was to talk to them every time they came in, build a rapport, and eventually getting around to saying, "Hey, we should go out sometime". The majority of the time this statement was met with, "Yes! That would be awesome!" Then I would be given their number, and they would either tell me of a party they were going to, or where to meet them downtown.

Gadzooks closed in 2005. It took me until 2010 to get over it. Yes, five years. That job was the best job I ever had. Maybe not so much for the work that was done (which I was the top rated manager in the company... boom!), but for the people I met. I am still close with about 20 of the people I met there. That rocks. I had started writing a book in June of 2003. It came out in June of 2006. All of a sudden I became "The Book Guy" (I hope you air quoted). It didn't sound as cool as "GADZOOKS!", but the same purpose was served. Hot chicks would come up to me because they knew who I was. Just like at Gadzooks, my work was being done for me. I didn't realize what a problem this was at the time.

It wasn't until 2008 when I moved to New York that I realized this:  Even though I had dated many, many women (some years over 100 a year); I had no clue how to get a woman. And to clarify, I mean dates as exactly that. I may have only had one date with a woman, but to me that woman is included in the number. I had never taken the time to realize what it was that I was doing, that made women attracted to me. 2008 was a terrible year for dating for me. I think I dated 2 women in New York. I remember my first date, but do not remember her name. She was really pretty, but really annoying. We did not go on a second date. I remember my second date as well. It went great: Pizza, and then back to my place to watch football. Even though we made out, I didn't even put my hand up her shirt. I was too chicken. My old first years of college problem had arose where I couldn't imagine why this hottie would want to make out with me. That's the kind of things that pop up when one strikes out with every woman he talks to save two. My ego took a beating. I no longer thought I was worthless, I just felt that New York women couldn't see my worth.

During this time, the rough thing for me was that my self esteem was based on how hot the girl I was dating was. Remember, I still had no clue how I would get hot women. It was pretty much throwing shit to the wall, and seeing what would stick. I had one of my first friends here in New York (who happened to be my boss) tell me that I was doing it wrong. He asked me why I let women be my self esteem. And I explained nothing felt better than dating a hot woman. I've discussed before in another blog, so I won't go into details. But, long story short: I learned that I should get my self worth from my talents, and who I am; not from someone else. One of the best lessons I have ever learned.

I am not exactly sure when, but I would say probably around January of 2010 is when I finally started to catch on to how to interact with New York women. I was working at a cupcake place, and at a hip, trendy clothing store. I didn't meet many women at the cupcake place (but did date a co-worker). At the clothing store, I was back to my old ways. I would flirt a lot, and I started realizing what did, and didn't work with women here. I made a concerted effort to get better. And get better I did. By May, I was going out with 2 or 3 women casually. By the end of the year I had a girlfriend!  And she was hot! And she could sing, and dance, and act, and put me in my place. She had just as messed up a sense of humor as me, and she was great.

We broke up in November of 2011, and since then; I have gone a little date crazy. [Get ready for part 2...]