Saturday, December 13, 2014

I apply the 80/20 rule that I learned in Marketing, to my everyday life. [If you do not know what that is, here's a pretty basic definition: the 80-20 rule]

Last night I was out, talking to my friend over drinks at a restaurant, when I burst out laughing for what seemed like no reason. She was like, "What is so funny?" I felt the urge to explain.

Minutes prior, me and another gentleman sitting two tables away had agreed that the restaurant's staff had half-assed the birthday song. Like it lasted LESS than 10 seconds. When the staff finished, I looked at him, and he looked at me because we both said, "That's it?" at the same time. We laughed, and he said, "They deserve better than that!" And I was like, "I KNOW RIGHT!? What kind of half ass singing was that. We should go sing to them to make it up to them". He goes, "Want to?" And in that moment, our eyes locked, and we KNEW magic was going to happen. We both excused ourselves from our dates, and walked over to the table across the restaurant. I was like, "Whose birthday is it?" The people at the table pointed to a woman holding a child on her lap. I said, "It's your birthday?" She she awkwardly smiled and nodded yes. So I said, "Well me and my new friend think the restaurant really dropped the ball on your song, so we're going to sing to you too!"

Then, we sang the most random duet of 'Happy Birthday to you' ever. It was like we were both improv-ing a song that everyone should know. [and for those that know me well, you KNOW I can't sing, but God blessed me last night and I didn't sound terrible]. So we sing this song, and the entire table was like, "That's awesome thanks!" Me and my new friend walk back towards our tables and he goes, "Man, I wanted to be a duet with you, but I had no idea where you were going with it". I replied, "Honestly, me either. But, we made it work". We shook hands and returned to our dates.

NONE of this is what made me laugh. This was just a typical night out with Brian.

What made me laugh was this:  It was probably 10 minutes later before I realized we were all different races. I realized that I could have sung a line in the song in Spanish since the woman whom was having the birthday is a Latina, and I never get to sing in Spanish. Then, I realized my new friend that helped sing was black. THEN, I realized my date was Asian. And that was funny to me, because for the past two weeks most of what I've seen on Facebook deals with race and racism. Yet, it took me several minutes to even realize people were different races, we were all just humans doing something nice for other humans.

SO THIS takes me back to the 80/20 rule. I really believe that the majority of people in the US are not racist. However, the 20% that are, are the ones that make the news, because it is a lot sexier for one of the 6 media companies in the US [look it up, 6 companies control 90% of our media [that isn't just tv, but magazines and newspapers] to put up racially charged articles [they get a lot of clicks] than put up, "Hey, 80% of people aren't jerks, and we all kind of like each other".

Our goal should be to work on that 20% whom are racists, and figure out what we can do to change their minds. Leave your thoughts in the comments.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

#SlutShaming is NEVER cool

I cannot stand people that #slutshame. I don't even like the word slut. If a girl wants to be a stripper, let her strip. If a woman wants to do porn, let her fuck. If a woman wants to be a prostitute, let her turn her tricks. We have this really messed up notion that people who enjoy sex with different partners are below or beneath us. How often are the people that say this secretly envious of these experiences. I have friends that have only had one partner their entire life, and friends that have had over a hundred. NEVER ONCE have I given a care to their sex life. Every woman that I date, I never ask them their number, and I will never tell them mine. Maybe since I have "experienced" life, I have a different view. BUT, even with me enjoying more than one partner in my life, I would never judge someone who has had only one. If someone finds the right person, and that person is "the one", then more power to them. Here are things more important to me than my partner's number of sexual partners: How is their sense of humor? Are they mentally stable? Are they able to support themselves financially? Do I find them attractive? Can they high five? Are they good at cuddling? Are they stylish? Are they generous in spirit? Would they be there for me when I need them? Do I like their hairstyle? I could go on listing for 3 days, and still never get to their sexual past. My only concern there is, "Are they clean?" If so, boom, it is on! If you care about your partner's past, why? Please leave comments below explaining your view OR if you want to keep it private, email me. My guess is that if you care, it is because you feel like you might be inferior in the sack if they have had a lot of partners. Let me calm that fear. If you are inferior, and a person loves you, they will work with you and teach you what they like. Just listen. I've learned that 96% of women like different things, and there are only two spots guaranteed to make her go crazy (one of those is the G). [Sorry guys, I will not divulge these secrets] If you care about a stranger's sexual history, why? And if you care, have you ever watched porn? I remember being younger, and using terms like slut, and hoe. Now that I am older, and wiser; I feel so ignorant for using those hurtful words. And I will be honest, the majority of the time I used those words, is when I was upset that a girl didn't want me! She was a "slut" because she fucked other guys that were not me. Had she been fucking me, that term would have never been uttered. That's why I used it, why do you? We are so quick to call people names, and give them labels without getting to know the person. I am NOT my sex life. My name is Brian Spain, and yes I have sex. And according to my Facebook posts, people like me and think I'm a generally swell guy. A lot of people say I'm the nicest person they know. I don't agree with that statement, but it is told to me quite often. So, if I am the such a great guy, am I also a "slut" for enjoying sex with more than one person in my life? I will never admit my number, it could be 2, it could be 200, but the point is; all of you that know me, love me (or at least like me) for me. And how many times have you thought about the number of people I have slept with? Probably 0, right? So let's just say I've had sex with 100 women or more. [Not saying that I have or haven't, I'm just using this as an example] If I have had sex with 101 women, am I still the good person that I've been considered for so long, or do your views on me change? I'm going to make a video about this blog. What really pushed my button to write about it today though was the article below. I have no problem with someone doing porn. I've had friends that have done porn, and I have friends that are either strippers now, or used to strip. A lot of times these friends tell me they like me because I'm not judgmental. I appreciate that, because I work VERY hard at not judging. I feel like it is engrained in us to judge, but I fight that every time I see it pop up. I will leave you with this Bible verse, which is one of my favorites: Matthew Chapter 7, Verse 3: Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

Saturday, February 15, 2014

If you were sad on Valentine's Day, it was YOUR fault.

So Valentine's Day has passed, or as I usually refer to it S.A.D. [Singles Awareness Day] and whether single, or in a relationship; I hope you all had an enjoyable one.

For my fellow single friends that I saw complaining about the holiday, some words of advice. And you do not have to listen because I am in no way an expert, but I'm saying this because I care, and I feel like it needs to be said.

If you were sad and lonely on Valentine's Day, it is your fault. You have NO ONE else to blame but yourself. (Unless your significant other died recently, then ignore this) I am very much single, and I had a blast! Full disclosure: I woke up yesterday morning so very sad. I didn't cry, but it would not have taken much to get me to that point. But, after my first can of Mtn Dew that changed. I refused to be sad, and I refused to feel lonely. I made the choice to be happy. I counted my blessings.

This paragraph is a tangent, so if you want to skip it and go to the next, feel free to. Now I've had my fair share of ladies in my life over the past few years (way too many to count), and it would not have been hard for me to find a romantic date, but I didn't want one. At this point in time my life, there are only four women I find attractive. One is Turtle (my ex) and I have no plans of ever getting back together with her. As much love as we have for one another, we're just not right for each other. One is married, and I NEVER mess with a married woman. That leaves two women for me in this entire world. The one everyone knows is Nina Davuluri (Miss America) who has a boyfriend and I don't mess around with that either. That only leaves ONE other woman that only 6 of my closet friends and my parents know about. However, I have no way of contacting her, but one day I will. I just know making her laugh is one of the happiest moments of my life. :-) So when it comes to spending Valentine's day with someone in a romantic way, pickings were slim.

Around a month ago I asked my friend Amy to be my valentine. I think Amy is one of the smartest, and prettiest women that I know. She is a ridiculously gifted artist, and I have never had a bad time with her. I also knew we could be Valentine's and not have that weird, 'What is the other person thinking" thing going on.

For Valentine's, we planned something fun. Neither of us have ever been to White Castle, so we went there and lost our White Castle virginity to one another. It was a BLAST!!!! They waited on us like it was a fancy restaurant, and it was honestly the BEST service I have ever gotten anywhere in the North. Terrell was my personal waiter, but all four servers would check on us constantly. Each time they apologized for interrupting our conversation, but they wanted to make sure we were doing ok. Their service was OUTSTANDING! We left there and went to Chuck E. Cheese and played games! After that we went our separate ways. I may or may not have went to a karaoke place after that, and watched a guy dump his girlfriend ON VALENTINE's via song. Then I may or may not have taken her out for a drink afterwards. I DID for a fact come home and watch "Bend it like Beckham" again.

I went to bed last night happy. Although I am "alone" aka "single", I didn't let that get me down, although it would have been easy to wallow. So anyone that was sad yesterday, remember you CHOSE to be sad. And some people make excuses… "But Brian, I don't have places like that to go in my town" or "But Brian, I don't have any friends of the opposite sex I can do that with".

If you said that, you are making an excuse, not trying to find a solution. I'm writing this today because BELIEVE IT OR NOT there will be ANOTHER Valentine's Day next year. So start planning NOW what you can do to rectify the situation. I remember one year I just had a few friends over to my house "NO COUPLES ALLOWED" and we watched movies, played board games (I love Scatagories), and ate a meal together. That way we were not alone on the holiday. Valentine's Day should be about love, not about sadness. It doesn't have to be about love for a significant other, just spread love in general.

If you need help for next year, feel free to message me and I can give you some pointers. I know this post probably makes me sound like a Dick, but at least I'm a dick that cares enough about you to not want to see you post sad stuff next year.

Friday, February 14, 2014

BEST Valentine's Day EVER!

This post was blogged on my Myspace Blog MANY years ago! I miss my Myspace Blog. I had a lot of followers on that, and it got over a thousand views a month. WOO HOO! Since most of you were not my friends on Myspace, you probably never saw this. So let me re-tell it.

I have no idea what the year was, but I was still living in Elkin, NC. I was dating a girl (we shall call her "Sarah") that was my first love. The first time I had really hung out with her was the Valentine's Day the year before. We had a group triple date. Shortly after that, me and Sarah began dating.

I wanted to do something really special for Sarah's Valentine's Day, but I wanted to surprise her. It was REALLY hard to surprise this girl. However, I had a plan.

About a week before Valentine's Day, I started getting "sick". I was perfectly healthy, but any time I talked to Sarah, I felt terrible. If I was around her, I thought I had a fever. The day before Valentine's I told her that I was the worst I had been, but there is no way I wouldn't have Valentine's with her. I had called her cousin when I first came up with this plan. Her cousin was her best friend; and I knew for my plan to work, her cousin would have to be involved.

The day of Valentine's (it was a Saturday), I called Sarah around noon and said, "Babe, I'm so sorry. I've got a fever and I've been puking all morning. There is NO WAY I can see you today". She was MAD! However, she was a sweetheart so she didn't tell me she was mad. I could hear it in her voice though.

Sure enough, as soon as I got off the phone with her, she called her cousin. Shortly after her cousin called me to say, "It worked! I have to warn you she is ANGRY!" Her cousin had told her that the two of them would go out instead. Luckily that had worked.

By now, I had started driving all over town to pick up the things for that night. I even had to drive an hour away to pick up a Calzone from this place that Sarah loved. I got home that night about 30 minutes before Sarah was to arrive. I put the calzone in the oven to keep reheat it. Sarah's cousin had said to her, "You know what, we should stop by Brian's just so you can see him for a minute on Valentine's Day". Sarah agreed. When Sarah and her cousin got to my door, I opened the door wearing a suit. [Although I wear suits quite often now, I rarely did so back then, as a matter of fact I can only remember wearing one three times.] Sarah was surprised, and for a VERY brief time she was mad. She thought I had other plans! haha I said, "Oh, it is so good to see you madam. Your table is ready". She turned around to look at her cousin who was smiling ear to ear. Her cousin said goodbye and went back to her car. I took walked Sarah's to her table, and took her coat.

I pulled out her chair, and she sat down. I handed her a menu (I took one from the restaurant) and suggested the calzone. [I do NOT know what I would have said had she ordered something else]. I walked away to get her drink. When I came back, I said, "Wow, it really is a shame a woman as beautiful as you is having to spend Valentine's Day in a restaurant alone. Do you mind if I join you?" She allowed me to sit to take her order. She DID order the calzone… JACKPOT! I brought her a salad, and upon finishing that, I brought her the calzone. We sat, and chatted. The entire time I stayed in character as the waiter. When she finished the calzone, I brought her dessert. I think it was a cannoli.

We then went to the living room, where we watched "Hope Floats" (one of her favorite movies).

She was so surprised by all of this. I remember her saying, "But you're sick". And I laughed. I said, "Hun, I've been faking sick all week so that I could surprise you". Then, she realized that her cousin was in on it, and it finally hit her how much work I put into it. The look of joy and happiness in her face is not something I will ever forget.

I've had many great Valentine's Days in my life, but this is one that will always be one of the most special, because it was my first Valentine's Day I was truly happy.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Worst Valentine's Day Ever

My worst Valentine's Day EVER happened on Valentine's of 2008.

This is a short story, but it had a big impact on me.

I had met a woman several months prior. We went out a few times, and I was SMITTEN. I'm convinced she cared for me too, but  in some sort of fucked up way. She still hadn't gotten over her ex, who was a total waste of life, when we met. I have no idea what she saw in him, but hey "the heart wants what it wants".

We dated, but nothing serious had become of it. In my blind love for her (I am not used to falling for someone in such a short period of time. Normally I do not fall for someone at all), I didn't' realize that no matter how awesome I was to her, I would still lose to the jerk.

I asked this lovely lady out for Valentine's Day, and she said she would love to, but she had to work. I felt bad for her having to work on Valentine's; so I decided to do something nice for her.

Instead of sending her flowers to work, I decided to deliver them myself. That ways I could at least see her for a couple of minutes. I got the flowers, I got her a stuffed animal "El Toro of Love", and headed to the restaurant where she worked. I arrived, and told them that I was there to see _______. The hostess looked at me like I had two heads and said, "She doesn't work today". I felt soooooo stupid. Normally no one else can make me feel stupid, but I felt SOOOOO dumb. I think I replied, "ohhhhhhhh OH. Oh…. Ummmm I guess I misunderstood". I left the stuff there for her, and left.

Looking back, I realize that I should have never done anything nice for this girl. No matter what I did, she would always chose the crappy guy. I just felt at the time that if I was nice enough, and showed her she didn't have to be with a loser, she would chose me. I was wrong. Three weeks later I moved to NYC on a whim.

I have never been angry, or held any ill feelings towards this woman. She finally broke free from the loser, and that made me so happy. To this day we are friends, and I still love her. My wish for her, is that she will always realize what a wonderful person she is, and that she will never allow another to bring her down again. You know for me to love someone like this, they have to be pretty amazing.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

John Picciuto said, "Chivalry is dead".

I LOVE THIS GUY!!!! When I read the title I was upset, because I am still very chivalrous, but once I read it; he is spot on.

In the past couple of years, I have been on over a hundred dates. [This may be why I am always tired, and broke. haha] On these dates, I cannot remember how many women have told me that I am the first person to ever give them flowers. WHAT!?!?!? How is a woman over the age of 27 and NEVER been given flowers? And I always give them in her favorite color, to show I paid attention. I've had a few cry, which really touched me, and made me feel good that I touched them that way. However, flowers on a first date shouldn't be that touching, it should be a norm.

I always pay for the first date unless the woman really puts up a fight. If you are an independent woman, I do not want to muscle in on that. haha Again, the women are often surprised. And I feel like they shouldn't be.

Let's be honest, I have the skill set that I can go to a bar, work my magic, and go back to her place. But, that's not what I want. Five years ago I would say, "SURE! Sign me up!" But now, I want romance. And although one of my best girlfriends ever started from a bout of Birthday Sex; I want the old fashioned courting, and when I find the right woman I am more than ready to settle down. [Please let it be Nina!!!!]

I get bored on so many dates now. And I think there are a couple of reasons for this. First, I've been on WAY TOO MANY dates. That's why for the past 6 months I've kind of been on a hiatus save for a few lovely ladies. But a lot of it has to do with my date's conversation skills are dead. And these are REALLY smart women (for those who do not know, I normally date lawyers, or someone high up a corporate ladder) I remember when a first date was exciting, and you wanted to know more, and more, and more about the other person. Now, I get vapid conversation, and what seems like insecurity when delving to get to know them more. And I get that. They are insecure opening up like that, because we have lost the art of the date. Women aren't used to guys wanting to get to know them, so their first date muscle has not been exercised. This saddens me. I have had first dates with women where I wanted to say, "Ok, this date is over. Now let me talk to you about a woman's worth, because you obviously don't get it. And that is our fault as men for not showing that to you", and then lecture her on the art of dating.

This isn't women's fault (although it would be REALLY easy to lay the blame on them). Ladies, if you let a guy smash with minimal effort, then  you are going to get minimal effort. And I get the reasoning of "Well there are more women than men in NY so if I require more effort, he will just go for someone else", but that is flawed. Because a guy that is actually looking for a relationship will put in that extra effort if you require him to. STOP SELLING YOURSELF SHORT! And guys, stop thinking with your little brains. I KNOW it is hard. It is one of the toughest things I have ever done in my life, but it is worth it. When you use the brain atop your neck, life gets better. When you think with the one below your belt; not so great. Up your game guys. It's time to show women how much we appreciate them. 2014 can be the year of Chivalry!

Thanks Danni Pirone for sharing!

Friday, August 16, 2013

I still, haven't found... what I'm looking for. (Part Three: The Reckoning)

If you have made it this far, kudos to you. If you read the other two blogs in the same sitting, and now going to try to conquer this beast. You deserve a reward. If you are female, reward yourself by taking  a picture of your boobs, and emailing it to haha In return, you will receive a VERY kind, and VERY sincere compliment plus thank you note. Guys, you can reward yourselves by going to pornhub and typing in "bukake". You're welcome. Now ONNNNN to the blog!

So after all of the other words, in the other blogs, I get to what I still haven't found. Which is... what I'm looking for. HEY! That would be a great song title! Yeah....

The greatest thing about dating all of these random women, is that I have now finely tuned, and narrowed down what I am looking for. And as crazy as it may sound, I 100% believe she is out there, and I am going to find her soon. And, it is going to be AWESOME!

What I'm looking for (and this will probably get longer as I think of more and more things):

I'm pretty sure if I put this on my OKC profile (OKCupid for those who didn't read the other blogs), I would get absolutely NO hits, but this is the most honest I can be. If you know anyone like this, please introduce us! I will make you this deal right now, if you introduce me to my future wife; I will put you in the wedding party! You can be my best man! (Unless my dad wants to be my best man, then you can be 2nd Best man [yes, if you are female I will get you in the wedding!]

I want an Indian woman. I want her to be between 5'7", and 5'11". I do not care specifically about her actual numbered weight, but I want her to be skinny, and prefer she have some semblance of abs. If she runs, or does yoga that is great. I want her to inspire me to get into better shape (even though I already swim and run some, I need to do more).

I would really like for her to be a lawyer, but a doctor is ok. Those are about the only two professions I am into. Luckily for me, a lot of Indian fathers expect the same thing. haha I am really sold on marrying a Lawyer though. (And it isn't a money thing. She could be a not-for-profit lawyer. I just love law, and most lawyers I know are really good arguers, and I am one of the best. I need someone on my level, or even better than me (fat chance) to challenge me.  Plus, lawyers usually understand fact based arguments, and not emotional ones. I LOVE dating lawyers! 

I do not care if she is a Vegetarian or not, but definitely not a Vegan. I would love for her to teach me new dishes I do not already know how to cook.

She must be Hindu. She doesn't have to be super religious, but she has to know about Hinduism, and be able to teach our future children (if we have them) about it.

She has to have style. I have no issues if she is a t-shirt and jeans type of girl. But, she has to have the ability to dress up, and be stylish. When I am dressed up, and I'm walking down the street holding her hand, I want people to turn their heads and admire how awesome we look together. 

She has to be extremely secure with herself. Self confidence is sexy. I'm even fine with her being a little cocky. I do not want her to be completely conceited, but a little swag goes a long way. 

I want her to not get offended easily. Lord knows if she does, there will be some hurt feelings going on way too often. haha

She has to be accepting of all people no matter what their race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. The sole exceptions being she is allowed to dislike anyone who wears black and navy together. Gross! And also anyone who is a Jets fan. DOUBLE GROSS!

SHE HAS to be willing to be silly. If we are in the grocery store, and "Sexy and I Know It" comes on, she better "wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle... yeah" with me. Or we will have problems. 

She will understand that our relationship should be one based on complementing each other, not completing each other. I am already my own person, I do not need someone else to complete me. I want someone to enhance my life. Big difference!

She should be just as comfortable going out, as staying home. I cannot express how much I love a night of a having dinner together, and then cuddling up together to watch a movie. 

She must have long hair. Nothing against my beautiful women with short hair, but I like it long. Speaking of hair, better not be any down there. I do not like fur balls when I'm doing my biddness down there. Gross. One final thing about hair, she can NOT be hirsute! In this day and age, if she is, she will need to get laser hair removal. Fact!

She has to have a butt. It may not be the biggest, but it has to be a nice curve. I may ask for a lot of boob pics, but I'm an ass man. 

She has to appreciate how handsome I am, but not love me for my looks. I want her to think I'm the smartest, funniest, most charming man in the room; no matter what room we are in. :-)

She has to be romantic. I am a HOPELESS romantic. And my last two serious girlfriends were not. It sucks. I want to bring flowers, right love notes, and make silly crafts just because I love her. 

Now these are the things that are not deal breakers, but are definitely bonus points:

I don't care if she is a gamer or not, but once a month or so, I would like her to play either Mario Party, or Mario Kart with me. Or maybe even Super Smash Brothers. 

I'd prefer she also speak Hindi, but if she speaks Gujarati that is not a deal breaker. And honestly, if she can't speak Hindi I will live. And if she can speak Spanish with me, BOOM! I hit the jackpot. Nothing is as sexy as speaking Spanish while preparing for a night of passion. 

I'd prefer her last name to be Gupta, Patel, or Singh. I KNOW that is picky, but if our kids have hyphenated names (completely up to her if we have kids, and if so whether their names are hyphonated or not); those are the ones I like the best. I mean, there are other names I like (i.e. Padmanabahn and Ramesh being two off the top of my head, but I feel five letter names work the best since mine is five letters)

She celebrates Indian holidays.

I'd prefer she either watch NASCAR with me, of at least ask how Junior did. She doesn't have to be a SuperFan, but at least show interest. Incredible bonus points if she will keep up with it with me. (I know you probably think it is crazy that an Indian woman would keep up with it, but I have dated one Indian woman who kept track of Dale Junior during every race (had his tracker on her computer), and dated another that worked with NASCAR for 4 years; so it happens)

And these things don't matter at all:

Age. I don't care if she is 27, or 37. It really doesn't matter to me. 

Family Size. I think it would be AWESOME if she had a huge family, but if her family is in India, and we only see them once or twice a year; I can swing that.

Money. Like I said prior, I do not care how much money she makes. As long as she is happy at her job, I am happy for her! 

I mentioned earlier, and will reiterate now, this list may have more things added to it as time goes on. But, I think for right now, this is a good start.