Let's start off with this:
"Santorum Glitter Bombed at South Carolina Rally" (Not so sexy when I found out no strippers were involved)
I did not know what "Glitter bombing" was before reading this article. Now I know. I always called it "throwing glitter". Oh me and my technical terms for things.
And now for this:
This is a sex crime? I would have never guessed.
I'm sorry, this is funny. Anyone who doesn't find this funny, obviously never went to crazy parties in college. I laughed the day I read this article for the first time. I laughed when I told my friend to go check out the link. I laughed 25 seconds ago when I got the link to add it in this blog. I do not think it can be a sex crime when it is SO funny! [I laughed again when re-reading this post]
Now for the blog:
A long time ago (2007) in a land far away (Greenville, NC) I had a crush. Ok, actually it was more than a crush, it was a smitten love for one of my close friends. She decided she wanted someone else instead of me, and that hurt. Fast forward 4 years and some change later, and she tells me, "That was a mistake! I have NO idea what I was thinking". Although the sun has set on us ever having the relationship I so desperately craved back then, I feel very fortunate to still have this person in my life as a close friend. Hearing those words has put an temporarily continuous smile on my face.
This turn of events has led me down a road of reflection on my previous loves. I used to fall into deep smit at a rather constant clip. If it wasn't one girl, it was another. Sometimes I would not get the opportunity to profess my adoration, but more often than not I would get at least one date. I was a hopeless romantic. I would spend my days planning sweet things to do, and then when the opportunity arose, I could show my lady love just how romantic I could be.
When I moved to New York, I still had that same wide-eyed puppy love in my heart. In my first year in NYC, I probably had crushes on 100 lovely ladies. It would be hard not to when surrounded by so many attractive people. Somewhere along the line the love died. I can not pinpoint the exact moment I changed, but I know the relative time frame. My innocent smittens no longer exists. Now crushes rarely betide. Gone are the days of pining for a call, an encounter, a text. Gone are the days of obsessing over "what can I do to show this person how amazing I am". Gone also are the days of me being sad because things were not going exactly how I want them.
I know being constantly smitten is not healthy, but sometimes I miss my innocence. Or would it be more appropriate to say "my ignorance". I miss my rose colored views of love. I miss the rush of "OMG _______ called me!" I do not miss my feelings of awkwardness.
I hope this is not construed as that I have given up on love, for nothing could be further from the truth. I believe love is the most important thing in life. I only mean to state that I now realize that not every girl is "the one". Sometimes I can date someone just to date them and have a good time. That was a lesson that took way too long to learn, but maybe it took all of my missteps along the way, to make it to where I'm at today. (But more than likely those missteps just caused a major delay in me getting here. haha) I hold out hope that I will one day fall into deep smit again, but this time it will be because she has earned it.
I've done a lot of growing up over the past year, and for this I am proud. Needless to say, I still have a lot more growing to do, but I'm getting there. Be patient.
With that being said, I feel like I should end this blog with a dick joke. Here goes:
I've always heard you dress for the job you want, not the job you have.
So my question is this, how do you dress for blow?
You read that write, after all of the sincere writing about love in this post, I end with a blow job joke. That's a new joke that I wrote for the Valentine's SUPER Show that I am hosting at Broadway Comedy Club! You should come! Here is the link to buy tickets! TICKETS!
And here is an old show to get you in the mood. This was me just winging it one night bc I had a bad day. BUT, I'm still hilarious!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Wasted day? Well... sorta
I have done nothing today. The tough thing is, I didn't plan anything for today. Ohhhh I had assumed that I would work some more on my comedy, but alas, I only wrote one joke. It was a fart joke. Everyone needs one of those, right?
And I guess it wasn't a total waste, because I think the one joke I did write will be funny eventually, but I just feel unfulfilled today. I'm disappointed in myself. I figured maybe if I wrote something on here, I would feel like the day was a total waste, so here goes.
I once saw a homeless man in a wheelchair. He was missing part of his leg. He had five teeth, 3 of which were extremely crooked. He rolled by a penny on the ground, stopped, and locked eyes upon it. Then he swiveled his head around towards me and said, "I can't pick that up, it's tails, and that's bad luck". I nodded, and thought to myself, "Can his luck get any worse?" I think if I ever get that far down in life, I'll pick up the penny and risk it.
I think I will have a story about "Squirters" in my next book. Fascinating stuff.
I described the fashion of Jacksonville, NC as "camel toes and big bows". I think that about sums it up.
I'm writing a new set for Valentine's Day. You should come. $10 tickets mofo
"Mofo" isn't stored in my google dictionary. I feel like I have let google down.
I really am blah today. My time is so precious, and I get that I need to have a "me" day sometimes, but I would much rather have gotten more comedy done. I will have to bang it out tomorrow.
I like when women tell me exactly what to do. Do not confuse that with "bossy", although there is one lady friend that I call "bossy". She's a sweetheart though. But ladies, I am a very simple Brian. Tell me exactly what you want, and I'll accommodate that to the best of my convenience.
I wish "John Doe" had lasted another season. And that "Firefly" had lasted two more. At least with Firefly, we got "Serenity" to finish off the series. That was nice. And yes, I know there is a comic book, but by now you should all know I can't read. The bane to my existence.
I guess this is all for tonight. Just some random thoughts so I feel like I did something. I mean, my goal was to blog once a week, so at least I got that knocked out for the week today. Wish me luck in life, and for real, buy some $10 tickets. I will make your Valentine's MAGICAL! (I should learn ONE magic trick to perform that night. Yep.
PS I have THEE hottest Valentine in NYC.
And I guess it wasn't a total waste, because I think the one joke I did write will be funny eventually, but I just feel unfulfilled today. I'm disappointed in myself. I figured maybe if I wrote something on here, I would feel like the day was a total waste, so here goes.
I once saw a homeless man in a wheelchair. He was missing part of his leg. He had five teeth, 3 of which were extremely crooked. He rolled by a penny on the ground, stopped, and locked eyes upon it. Then he swiveled his head around towards me and said, "I can't pick that up, it's tails, and that's bad luck". I nodded, and thought to myself, "Can his luck get any worse?" I think if I ever get that far down in life, I'll pick up the penny and risk it.
I think I will have a story about "Squirters" in my next book. Fascinating stuff.
I described the fashion of Jacksonville, NC as "camel toes and big bows". I think that about sums it up.
I'm writing a new set for Valentine's Day. You should come. $10 tickets mofo
"Mofo" isn't stored in my google dictionary. I feel like I have let google down.
I really am blah today. My time is so precious, and I get that I need to have a "me" day sometimes, but I would much rather have gotten more comedy done. I will have to bang it out tomorrow.
I like when women tell me exactly what to do. Do not confuse that with "bossy", although there is one lady friend that I call "bossy". She's a sweetheart though. But ladies, I am a very simple Brian. Tell me exactly what you want, and I'll accommodate that to the best of my convenience.
I wish "John Doe" had lasted another season. And that "Firefly" had lasted two more. At least with Firefly, we got "Serenity" to finish off the series. That was nice. And yes, I know there is a comic book, but by now you should all know I can't read. The bane to my existence.
I guess this is all for tonight. Just some random thoughts so I feel like I did something. I mean, my goal was to blog once a week, so at least I got that knocked out for the week today. Wish me luck in life, and for real, buy some $10 tickets. I will make your Valentine's MAGICAL! (I should learn ONE magic trick to perform that night. Yep.
PS I have THEE hottest Valentine in NYC.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Random Writings.
In advance, I should warn that this blog will have some "mature" language in it, AND PROBABLY not be that funny. Read at your own risk. Or your own reward.... what will it be?
Sometimes I don't want to fuck you.
I think I should have this printed on any blank t-shirt I own and wear it under my outer layers of style and flair. I was thinking about this today because I have a couple of friends that any time I give them a complement, they think I want to fuck them. Nope, sometimes I just think your hair is pretty, or that you look great in that dress. If I recall correctly, my first experience with this was at f.y.e. in Greenville. One of the girls working there thought that any guy that paid attention to her for more than a minute was trying to get in her pants. I always wanted to reply, "No, not with that gross mole on your face". But, I did not because I keeps it classy.
However, I know why girls think this, because most guys do want to fuck them. What did I tell you last week guys, this is the year of the gentleman, so no trying to score random poon! Sometimes I will meet a girl at the bar (or club, or supermarket) and want to talk to her simply because she looks like she has something interesting to say. Who doesn't love interesting conversation? Anyways, this is just a tangent that is going nowhere, so let's move on.
The previous paragraphs really have nothing to do with anything, but I'm working on material for my Valentine's Day Comedy Extravaganza to be held at Broadway Comedy Club and I was trying to turn this into a joke. I could not. So now it leads off another great blog from Brian Spain. Hopefully, the blog WILL get better from this point on.
I wrote this 8 years ago. I discovered it about 3 and a half minutes ago and had to share. I'm such a romantic.
Sometimes I don't want to fuck you.
I think I should have this printed on any blank t-shirt I own and wear it under my outer layers of style and flair. I was thinking about this today because I have a couple of friends that any time I give them a complement, they think I want to fuck them. Nope, sometimes I just think your hair is pretty, or that you look great in that dress. If I recall correctly, my first experience with this was at f.y.e. in Greenville. One of the girls working there thought that any guy that paid attention to her for more than a minute was trying to get in her pants. I always wanted to reply, "No, not with that gross mole on your face". But, I did not because I keeps it classy.
However, I know why girls think this, because most guys do want to fuck them. What did I tell you last week guys, this is the year of the gentleman, so no trying to score random poon! Sometimes I will meet a girl at the bar (or club, or supermarket) and want to talk to her simply because she looks like she has something interesting to say. Who doesn't love interesting conversation? Anyways, this is just a tangent that is going nowhere, so let's move on.
The previous paragraphs really have nothing to do with anything, but I'm working on material for my Valentine's Day Comedy Extravaganza to be held at Broadway Comedy Club and I was trying to turn this into a joke. I could not. So now it leads off another great blog from Brian Spain. Hopefully, the blog WILL get better from this point on.
I wrote this 8 years ago. I discovered it about 3 and a half minutes ago and had to share. I'm such a romantic.
My current feelings on love.... To me, love is like the ocean. It's big, and beautiful and spreads as far as the eye can see. Just like love, everyone gets all excited about going to the ocean. What will it be like? The ocean, like love is kind of scary. Especially your first time. Then when you finally make it in, everything seems to be going o.k. It engulfs your senses. It is a wonderful thing. Until you realize, someone pee'd in it.
And now, 8 years later I must add, "and do not even get me started on the fish smell". Ha ha. That's humor.
As mentioned earlier, I will be doing a special show on Valentine's Day (or as I like to celebrate, Single's Awareness Day) this year at one of the bigger comedy clubs in NYC. The room holds 250 and I hope it is a sell out, because playing to a sell out is what gets me going.
Sometimes I get frustrated with life, but lately I have not. I try to always look at the bigger picture. I'm further along towards my goal now that I was last year. Last year I did better than the year before. The year before was better than the year before that, and I think you see the trend. If I continue making my incremental steps towards where I want to be, then I will end up at my destination. But, if somewhere along the way I stumble, I've already accomplished more than I could have imagined when I was starting college. Life is cool.
I've been working on the book more over the past couple of weeks. Getting a new laptop that didn't bog down while opening word, OR overheat if on for more than an hour has really helped. I think I will do fine with this book. It's definitely funnier than the first. Here is the thing, some of the stuff I wrote all those years ago is funnier than what I think of now. However, most of the stuff is nowhere near as funny as I am now, or it just needs a little polishing. But in the end I think we can all agree, what do I know?
CES just wrapped. The Consumer Electronics Show is so exciting for me. I could go into all of the things I loved about it, but it would probably be easier to go to phonearena.com or cnet.com. So do that.
This hasn't been my best blog by a long shot, but they can't all be gold. If they were, I would make all other bloggers feel bad about themselves, and I can't have that on my conscious.
And now, 8 years later I must add, "and do not even get me started on the fish smell". Ha ha. That's humor.
As mentioned earlier, I will be doing a special show on Valentine's Day (or as I like to celebrate, Single's Awareness Day) this year at one of the bigger comedy clubs in NYC. The room holds 250 and I hope it is a sell out, because playing to a sell out is what gets me going.
Sometimes I get frustrated with life, but lately I have not. I try to always look at the bigger picture. I'm further along towards my goal now that I was last year. Last year I did better than the year before. The year before was better than the year before that, and I think you see the trend. If I continue making my incremental steps towards where I want to be, then I will end up at my destination. But, if somewhere along the way I stumble, I've already accomplished more than I could have imagined when I was starting college. Life is cool.
I've been working on the book more over the past couple of weeks. Getting a new laptop that didn't bog down while opening word, OR overheat if on for more than an hour has really helped. I think I will do fine with this book. It's definitely funnier than the first. Here is the thing, some of the stuff I wrote all those years ago is funnier than what I think of now. However, most of the stuff is nowhere near as funny as I am now, or it just needs a little polishing. But in the end I think we can all agree, what do I know?
CES just wrapped. The Consumer Electronics Show is so exciting for me. I could go into all of the things I loved about it, but it would probably be easier to go to phonearena.com or cnet.com. So do that.
This hasn't been my best blog by a long shot, but they can't all be gold. If they were, I would make all other bloggers feel bad about themselves, and I can't have that on my conscious.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
First BLOGG of the New Year. You know what that means, right?
I have no idea what that means. So if YOU know what that means, help me out.
(Insert sigh)
I watched a man last night tell his 5 year old son, "You need to learn your mother fuckin' manners". Yep, that's the Bronx. And that's some BS! I have slacked off on offering a "BS" moment in each blogg, I will get back to it.... pronto! That led me to think about us men, and our manners.
So I had an idea, and this is a radical one I know, but I think 2012 should be the year of the gentleman. I know Ne-yo tried to do this a few years ago, but it didn't take hold. But maybe this year it could. And guys, stay with me on this; ladies, you do the same. It is HARD being a gentleman to a girl. When you are polite to a female, she wonders what your ulterior motives are. And women make it hard for us gentlemen to be gentlemen. They will question you. I use that term lightly because it is more of an interrogation. It is HARD being a gentleman to a girl.
Guys, I understand your frustration when you try to be polite to a female when she gives you such grief. Especially in New York City, it is HARD to be a gentleman. BUT, let me let you in on a little secret guys. It's so hard because of us. This girl you are trying to be polite to, has already heard every line in the book. She has been catcalled (I never liked that term, but everyone knows what that means), she has had random creepers tell her how pretty her eyes are, and she has had her fair deal of guys that are only nice to her until he gets what he wants. I completely understand that girls do not understand gentlemen, and it is all of our faults. This year, put all the past in the past, and guys, go out and treat ladies with respect. No using the B word, when you speak of them. No "HEY MA!"s on the train. No buying a girl a drink and then expecting something in return other than a great conversation. And here is the thing guys, make the conversation about her for a change. I am sure you guys are great, you wouldn't be reading this if you weren't. However, if you want to set yourself apart from other guys, pay attention. She is probably pretty great too. Everyone has SOMETHING special about them.
I think at some point in time, every single one of my close friends has been surprised that I remember the things they say. I will tell you the secret of how I do that (Man, I am a giver today, telling you all of my secrets). It is very simple, I listen. If you are getting to know someone, and they are telling you something, then it is probably important to them. Therefore, the gentlemanly thing to do is LISTEN.
Now I understand that most of you guys just want cuddy. So for you guys, do me this favor (and I will consider it my birthday gift); take this year off. For 2012, let's have one year where all guys respect females. Wouldn't that be amazing. Remember guys, your mom is female, her mom is female, and this goes on ad infinitum. Hopefully you love and respect your mother. But, you may not get along with your mom, or love your mom, but she did bring you into this world. Therefore if you like living, you should be thankful to her for that at the least. And if you don't like living, buy my book. It's on kindle. It will make you like life more! And if it doesn't, kill yourself. If my book doesn't make you happy than you are already dead inside, might as well finish it off.
This is DEFINITELY not what I thought I would be writing about today, but it was on my heart so I thought I should write it. I had to write because I am keeping true to my goal of writing once a week. Woo Hoo! I like "Woo Hoo!" It is not something that I ever utter aloud, but it always looks nice written. You're welcome.
(Insert sigh)
I watched a man last night tell his 5 year old son, "You need to learn your mother fuckin' manners". Yep, that's the Bronx. And that's some BS! I have slacked off on offering a "BS" moment in each blogg, I will get back to it.... pronto! That led me to think about us men, and our manners.
So I had an idea, and this is a radical one I know, but I think 2012 should be the year of the gentleman. I know Ne-yo tried to do this a few years ago, but it didn't take hold. But maybe this year it could. And guys, stay with me on this; ladies, you do the same. It is HARD being a gentleman to a girl. When you are polite to a female, she wonders what your ulterior motives are. And women make it hard for us gentlemen to be gentlemen. They will question you. I use that term lightly because it is more of an interrogation. It is HARD being a gentleman to a girl.
Guys, I understand your frustration when you try to be polite to a female when she gives you such grief. Especially in New York City, it is HARD to be a gentleman. BUT, let me let you in on a little secret guys. It's so hard because of us. This girl you are trying to be polite to, has already heard every line in the book. She has been catcalled (I never liked that term, but everyone knows what that means), she has had random creepers tell her how pretty her eyes are, and she has had her fair deal of guys that are only nice to her until he gets what he wants. I completely understand that girls do not understand gentlemen, and it is all of our faults. This year, put all the past in the past, and guys, go out and treat ladies with respect. No using the B word, when you speak of them. No "HEY MA!"s on the train. No buying a girl a drink and then expecting something in return other than a great conversation. And here is the thing guys, make the conversation about her for a change. I am sure you guys are great, you wouldn't be reading this if you weren't. However, if you want to set yourself apart from other guys, pay attention. She is probably pretty great too. Everyone has SOMETHING special about them.
I think at some point in time, every single one of my close friends has been surprised that I remember the things they say. I will tell you the secret of how I do that (Man, I am a giver today, telling you all of my secrets). It is very simple, I listen. If you are getting to know someone, and they are telling you something, then it is probably important to them. Therefore, the gentlemanly thing to do is LISTEN.
Now I understand that most of you guys just want cuddy. So for you guys, do me this favor (and I will consider it my birthday gift); take this year off. For 2012, let's have one year where all guys respect females. Wouldn't that be amazing. Remember guys, your mom is female, her mom is female, and this goes on ad infinitum. Hopefully you love and respect your mother. But, you may not get along with your mom, or love your mom, but she did bring you into this world. Therefore if you like living, you should be thankful to her for that at the least. And if you don't like living, buy my book. It's on kindle. It will make you like life more! And if it doesn't, kill yourself. If my book doesn't make you happy than you are already dead inside, might as well finish it off.
This is DEFINITELY not what I thought I would be writing about today, but it was on my heart so I thought I should write it. I had to write because I am keeping true to my goal of writing once a week. Woo Hoo! I like "Woo Hoo!" It is not something that I ever utter aloud, but it always looks nice written. You're welcome.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Happy New Year! (Now THAT is an original title)
This will be the first ever Brian Spain Year in Review Blogg on Blogger. Also, the first one written on my new laptop. The best thing about never doing one of these before, is there is no pre-conceived template for me to use and therefore, a shit-show should commence. In advance, you're welcome.
This has been the best year of my life. It can not be stated any other way. This was not a perfect year for me, and in no way would I construe it as such, but it was seriously the best year of my adult life. This is the first year of my life since I was 12 that I did not consider suicide at some point (or multiple points) in the year. I will not get into the darker areas of my life, but this one simple fact makes it far and away the BEST!
The End.
Ok ok ok, you probably want more than that. And any lady that has had the pleasure of being with me knows, I AM a giver, so for all you ladies out there (and the few gentlemen who dream of this), I continue.
My year started off great because I was in a new relationship with my best friend. It still had that new relationship smell. I was petrified. Neither myself, or my girlfriend at the time had planned on starting a relationship with anyone, much less each other. She was my best friend, and I was hers and one night we had a temporary moment of weakness. The next morning neither of us wanted to hurt the other's feelings by saying that we did not want a relationship, so a relationship was born. And THAT was the single smartest thing I did in 2010. Fast forward six weeks later and we are still in the puppy love phase. You know what I mean, the random sweet text, the finding an excuse to touch the other person. And then there is the new discovery made every day about the other person, "I didn't know you had a fear of bugs".
Yes, 2011 was starting off on the right foot. I hated my job; that didn't matter, I had Gault. I didn't like my apartment; that didn't matter, I had Gault. I didn't like the stagnation I had developed in my life; that didn't matter, I had Gault. I knew I needed to make some changes in my life, and having someone so amazing support me gave me all of the confidence in the world. I would have done the same things without her, but they would have been much, much harder. Do not get me wrong, they were not easy in any sense of the word, but having her support helped.
I hated Crumbs. This whole paragraph is a rant about how they treated their employees so feel free to skip it if you do not want to read about my hatred of all things Crumbs Bakes Shop. Here is the thing with Crumbs Bake Shop, when I started out with them they were a smaller company and cared about the employees. By the time 2011 rolled around, Jason Bauer had become a terrible person in my eyes. Everything was now about making money and damned be anyone who stood in his way. I hated that he ruined my lovely job. And here is a fun fact about Crumbs Bake Shop, they sell their old stuff first, and then put out the fresh. So when people ask what we did with the old cupcakes, and we were forced to say (or be fired) "Oh, we send them back to the bakery and they donate them to the homeless", what we REALLY wanted to say was, "Duh, you're eating them bitch". My final straw with Crumbs Bake Shop was when after being given kudos all through the year as one of the top Assistant Managers in the company, my review was horrendous. I later found out that it was because Human Resources had told all DMs and SMs that employees must be given bad reviews so as to keep raises to a minimum. Upon getting my review, I put in my notice the following day. I would no longer bow to their wishes. Then to top it off, they gave all lower paid associates a $1 raise to bring them from $10 to $11. That sounds nice, right? What they failed to inform all associates was that the new minimum starting wage for Crumbs Bake Shop was $11. Even associates that had been there for almost 2 years, was now getting raised to the minimum. That means someone starting their first day at Crumbs, would be making the same as someone that worked 2 years to help Jason grow his company.
Upon quitting Crumbs, I became a full time background actor. That is a rather cool job. I do not make that much money, but I survive. And it is fun to have friends say, "I think I saw you on tv last night, were you on _________?" to which most often times I can reply, "Yes, I was".
I also moved out of my basement apartment that had been my home for over years to my original dwelling in Astoria. My friend's roomie left her with no notice and she was going to lose the apartment if she did not find a roomie stat. I was happy to oblige because I know how much that apartment meant to her. I will not say that it was a mistake moving in with her, but it was not a comfortable living situation. No matter what I did, it was wrong in her eyes and somehow a personal attack on her. I could not wait to move out of there. And if you wonder if I was ever thanked once for helping her to save her apartment, the answer to that would be no. No I was not. Gross. I still wish her nothing but the best in life, but I am much MUCH happier in my current living situation. I have a wonderful roomie who realizes being room mates is a partnership, not a dictatorship. I love my apartment. :-)
I feel like up until now this has been a very negative blogg, so let me now get to all of my successes on the year and you will see why I think it was overall, the greatest year of my adult life.
First up, Gault. I have had many friends ask me what is so special about her, and why she is the girl I chose to date after all of my years of singlehood. I know it sounds cliche, but if I could tell you what made Gault so special, she wouldn't be special. She is a wonderful person, who has a good heart, and I feel she is sometimes misunderstood. She is loving, kind, patient, and tender. It didn't hurt that to be a white girl, she has a black girl's ass. That solves a lot of problems. haha The first ten months of the year I shared with Gault, and the last two I spent getting over her. Some would say that the last two were a dark time, but I found out then that I have some really good friends who care a lot about me. They were there for me, and still are. This is the first New Year's Eve in New York City that I can say I have close friends here, and that is awesome.
I love my job. Where I am at now in my career is nowhere near where I want to finish, but at least I'm finally starting. For now, my survival job is actually an acting survival job. That is awesome! I can not help but be excited. Yes, I could currently be making more money working retail, but for the first time in my life, I'm doing the job that I want to do. That is such a good feeling.
Also, a highlight of 2011, I got to spend a week with my best friend Shauna in NC. I watched her little sister (and my adopted little sis Alex) graduate high school. I went to the top of the Empire State Building again. My parents came to visit three times and each time they come, we get closer. I can not express how much it means to me to finally have parents. It took a long time to get them, but now that I have them, I appreciate them so much more. I've been to the World Trade Center memorial. I watched every Dolphins & Panthers game. This year I got the new tv I wanted, the new phone I wanted, and a new laptop. (I know these are material things, but it was the first time since 2004 that I could afford to buy myself what I wanted)
I grew up a lot this year. I know I may still say, or do some childish things, but my views are so much better. I was called by not one, but two people the most selfless person they know. I talked about Jesus more. I become a lot more patient (everyone can thank Gault for that). I now feel like a grown-up. When someone screams out, "HELP! I need a grown-up!" I can reply, "Hey, I'm a grown-up, how can I help?" [And let's be honest, I do not think that I have ever heard someone scream out, "I need a grown-up", but if the situation arises, I can now step up to the plate.]
I like me. And I mean that. I used to say it and it was a lie. I used to hate myself. Not this year. This year I learned to love myself and although I'm not perfect, I've learned to appreciate my flaws. I have talents that other people do not, so it is only fair that I would also have some limitations. This has been a great year, and if next year is better, I will truly be one of the luckiest guys alive.
Now for New Year's Resolutions:
Be a better listener.
I do not like going out. In the two months since me and Gault broke up, I have been out around 17 times. Before that, I don't think I had been out 17 times in 6 months. I like to sit home and have quiet time. However this year, I am going to make myself go out more and make more friends. I will not let social anxiety keep me down.
Use Google Calendar more.
I have a knack for remembering almost everything. This upcoming year I am going to offload some of the workload to Google Calendar. That way I can better organize my life.
Goals:
Get lines on 3 different shows
Publish the 2nd book
Start a youtube channel for my skits
I think the goals are pretty self explanatory.
In closing, I wish I had some really amazing quote to put here at the end to inspire all of you for 2012. Unfortunately I do not. But maybe the best quote I can give is none at all. There is no quote that says if each person in this upcoming year goes out and lives their life to the best of their ability, and tries to love their neighbor that the world will be a better place. There is no quote that says not everyone sees things the way you do, and that's ok. There's no quote that says "Just try, and smile, and love, and things will turn out ok", but there should be.
This has been the best year of my life. It can not be stated any other way. This was not a perfect year for me, and in no way would I construe it as such, but it was seriously the best year of my adult life. This is the first year of my life since I was 12 that I did not consider suicide at some point (or multiple points) in the year. I will not get into the darker areas of my life, but this one simple fact makes it far and away the BEST!
The End.
Ok ok ok, you probably want more than that. And any lady that has had the pleasure of being with me knows, I AM a giver, so for all you ladies out there (and the few gentlemen who dream of this), I continue.
My year started off great because I was in a new relationship with my best friend. It still had that new relationship smell. I was petrified. Neither myself, or my girlfriend at the time had planned on starting a relationship with anyone, much less each other. She was my best friend, and I was hers and one night we had a temporary moment of weakness. The next morning neither of us wanted to hurt the other's feelings by saying that we did not want a relationship, so a relationship was born. And THAT was the single smartest thing I did in 2010. Fast forward six weeks later and we are still in the puppy love phase. You know what I mean, the random sweet text, the finding an excuse to touch the other person. And then there is the new discovery made every day about the other person, "I didn't know you had a fear of bugs".
Yes, 2011 was starting off on the right foot. I hated my job; that didn't matter, I had Gault. I didn't like my apartment; that didn't matter, I had Gault. I didn't like the stagnation I had developed in my life; that didn't matter, I had Gault. I knew I needed to make some changes in my life, and having someone so amazing support me gave me all of the confidence in the world. I would have done the same things without her, but they would have been much, much harder. Do not get me wrong, they were not easy in any sense of the word, but having her support helped.
I hated Crumbs. This whole paragraph is a rant about how they treated their employees so feel free to skip it if you do not want to read about my hatred of all things Crumbs Bakes Shop. Here is the thing with Crumbs Bake Shop, when I started out with them they were a smaller company and cared about the employees. By the time 2011 rolled around, Jason Bauer had become a terrible person in my eyes. Everything was now about making money and damned be anyone who stood in his way. I hated that he ruined my lovely job. And here is a fun fact about Crumbs Bake Shop, they sell their old stuff first, and then put out the fresh. So when people ask what we did with the old cupcakes, and we were forced to say (or be fired) "Oh, we send them back to the bakery and they donate them to the homeless", what we REALLY wanted to say was, "Duh, you're eating them bitch". My final straw with Crumbs Bake Shop was when after being given kudos all through the year as one of the top Assistant Managers in the company, my review was horrendous. I later found out that it was because Human Resources had told all DMs and SMs that employees must be given bad reviews so as to keep raises to a minimum. Upon getting my review, I put in my notice the following day. I would no longer bow to their wishes. Then to top it off, they gave all lower paid associates a $1 raise to bring them from $10 to $11. That sounds nice, right? What they failed to inform all associates was that the new minimum starting wage for Crumbs Bake Shop was $11. Even associates that had been there for almost 2 years, was now getting raised to the minimum. That means someone starting their first day at Crumbs, would be making the same as someone that worked 2 years to help Jason grow his company.
Upon quitting Crumbs, I became a full time background actor. That is a rather cool job. I do not make that much money, but I survive. And it is fun to have friends say, "I think I saw you on tv last night, were you on _________?" to which most often times I can reply, "Yes, I was".
I also moved out of my basement apartment that had been my home for over years to my original dwelling in Astoria. My friend's roomie left her with no notice and she was going to lose the apartment if she did not find a roomie stat. I was happy to oblige because I know how much that apartment meant to her. I will not say that it was a mistake moving in with her, but it was not a comfortable living situation. No matter what I did, it was wrong in her eyes and somehow a personal attack on her. I could not wait to move out of there. And if you wonder if I was ever thanked once for helping her to save her apartment, the answer to that would be no. No I was not. Gross. I still wish her nothing but the best in life, but I am much MUCH happier in my current living situation. I have a wonderful roomie who realizes being room mates is a partnership, not a dictatorship. I love my apartment. :-)
I feel like up until now this has been a very negative blogg, so let me now get to all of my successes on the year and you will see why I think it was overall, the greatest year of my adult life.
First up, Gault. I have had many friends ask me what is so special about her, and why she is the girl I chose to date after all of my years of singlehood. I know it sounds cliche, but if I could tell you what made Gault so special, she wouldn't be special. She is a wonderful person, who has a good heart, and I feel she is sometimes misunderstood. She is loving, kind, patient, and tender. It didn't hurt that to be a white girl, she has a black girl's ass. That solves a lot of problems. haha The first ten months of the year I shared with Gault, and the last two I spent getting over her. Some would say that the last two were a dark time, but I found out then that I have some really good friends who care a lot about me. They were there for me, and still are. This is the first New Year's Eve in New York City that I can say I have close friends here, and that is awesome.
I love my job. Where I am at now in my career is nowhere near where I want to finish, but at least I'm finally starting. For now, my survival job is actually an acting survival job. That is awesome! I can not help but be excited. Yes, I could currently be making more money working retail, but for the first time in my life, I'm doing the job that I want to do. That is such a good feeling.
Also, a highlight of 2011, I got to spend a week with my best friend Shauna in NC. I watched her little sister (and my adopted little sis Alex) graduate high school. I went to the top of the Empire State Building again. My parents came to visit three times and each time they come, we get closer. I can not express how much it means to me to finally have parents. It took a long time to get them, but now that I have them, I appreciate them so much more. I've been to the World Trade Center memorial. I watched every Dolphins & Panthers game. This year I got the new tv I wanted, the new phone I wanted, and a new laptop. (I know these are material things, but it was the first time since 2004 that I could afford to buy myself what I wanted)
I grew up a lot this year. I know I may still say, or do some childish things, but my views are so much better. I was called by not one, but two people the most selfless person they know. I talked about Jesus more. I become a lot more patient (everyone can thank Gault for that). I now feel like a grown-up. When someone screams out, "HELP! I need a grown-up!" I can reply, "Hey, I'm a grown-up, how can I help?" [And let's be honest, I do not think that I have ever heard someone scream out, "I need a grown-up", but if the situation arises, I can now step up to the plate.]
I like me. And I mean that. I used to say it and it was a lie. I used to hate myself. Not this year. This year I learned to love myself and although I'm not perfect, I've learned to appreciate my flaws. I have talents that other people do not, so it is only fair that I would also have some limitations. This has been a great year, and if next year is better, I will truly be one of the luckiest guys alive.
Now for New Year's Resolutions:
Be a better listener.
I believe I am an excellent listener. I often times have friends tell me that they can not believe that I remember things they have told me. But, it is because when people speak to me, I listen. That doesn't mean that I can not improve. This year, I will be a better listener.
Force myself to go out at least once a week.I do not like going out. In the two months since me and Gault broke up, I have been out around 17 times. Before that, I don't think I had been out 17 times in 6 months. I like to sit home and have quiet time. However this year, I am going to make myself go out more and make more friends. I will not let social anxiety keep me down.
Use Google Calendar more.
I have a knack for remembering almost everything. This upcoming year I am going to offload some of the workload to Google Calendar. That way I can better organize my life.
Goals:
Get lines on 3 different shows
Publish the 2nd book
Start a youtube channel for my skits
I think the goals are pretty self explanatory.
In closing, I wish I had some really amazing quote to put here at the end to inspire all of you for 2012. Unfortunately I do not. But maybe the best quote I can give is none at all. There is no quote that says if each person in this upcoming year goes out and lives their life to the best of their ability, and tries to love their neighbor that the world will be a better place. There is no quote that says not everyone sees things the way you do, and that's ok. There's no quote that says "Just try, and smile, and love, and things will turn out ok", but there should be.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
What Christmas Means to Me... (ed. note: Ellipses added to improve reading experience)
Remember how as a child, at some point in time you had a teacher force you to write, "What Christmas means to me"? I feel like an ellipses is needed in that, so let's try this again.
Remember how as a child, at some point in time you had a teacher force you to write, "What Christmas means to me..."? (Doesn't the ellipses make that much better?)
I was thinking about that today. This year for Christmas, I am sitting in my apartment in the Bronx, by myself. I chose this for myself and feel like it is the best possible way to celebrate Jesus' birth. This may sound crazy to you, but with the exciting month I have had I needed a day off. That gives me time to write this, for YOU. Without further adieu:
What Christmas Means to Me...
Christmas means to me that Christ was born. This is His day, and we should be thankful for His birth because without Him, we could not have eternal life. I believe that even Non-Christians should be thankful for this man's birth, because without Him, there would not even be the pagan form of Christmas. So non-believers say what you will, but you should give thanks to His birth even if you do not believe He is the Son of God because His day is what started all of the family gatherings.
Christmas to me means friends and family. For the first time in my adult life, I am not working in a retail environment for Christmas. And I am SO thankful for that. Anyone who has survived the horrors of working a retail job at Christmas knows that working in that environment sucks most of the joy out of the season. This is the first time in over a decade that I have CELEBRATED Christmas. In the television industry, production grinds to a halt over the last couple of weeks of December. This has given me time to spend with friends. The first day of this month I had a party that was amazing. That was followed by a week of my family being here. Since December 13th, I have not had a single day that was not spent with at least once friend (save Sundays). It has been a blessing to see all of the people who mean so much to me. Over the course of the year, I get caught up in trying to be a famous writer, actor, comic, artist, clothing designer, entrepreneur that I often do not have time for myself, much less someone else. I made it a point for this month of Christmas to celebrate friendships, because friendship is the best gift of all. I have a full slate through January 7th and after that I know it will be back to the grindstone, but for now I am enjoying a life with friends. I spent my Christmas Eve (and into Christmas morning) with Jazmin and her family. They are beautiful, loving people and I felt welcomed as if I were a part of the family. Even if I was the token white guy in the Christmas pictures. :-D
I try to not play up this part, but we all know that Christmas means gifts! I spent more on Christmas gifts this year, than in the previous 10 combined. And, I did almost all of my shopping online instead of going into Brick-and-Mortar establishments. Those employees are underpaid and under appreciated in the stores so I did not want to contribute to their work load. I firmly believe Christmas isn't about what you get, but what you give. I tell most people, "Please do not buy me anything". I've been blessed with the ability to purchase almost anything I desire. (Luckily my tastes are not lavish) I do however enjoy giving gifts. One of the top highlights of this Christmas was giving my Bestie Jazmin her gift, only to leave her speechless. It felt good. The most important gifts to me are the ones that were made by hand or that thought was put into. I never want a gift card. What I do want is home made candy. (Thanks Michelle) I never want clothes. Unless, you buy me a tie because you saw me wearing a shirt one day and thought, "Wow, I saw a tie the other day that would be the perfect match". I will not bore you with more examples because I think you get the point. I do not like people spending money on me, except my parents and (if I have one) my significant other.
Christmas is a time for happy Facebook statuses. I rarely read facebook, but I took 30 minutes today to read down my news feed to see how everyone was doing. It made me smile to see so many people happy. I wish that we all could carry the joy and love we feel in our hearts today, with us for the entirety of the year. The world would be a lot better place.
Finally, Christmas means to me that the current year is about over. A new year, and a new chapter begins one week from today. (How many of you noticed that New Year's Day is exactly one week after Christmas Day?) I have one week left to accomplish this year's goals and plan what I would like to accomplish in the coming year. For me, this past year has been the best year of my life. I would like to thank all of those that had a part in it, but I will save that for next week's blog. I usually do not make New Year's Resolutions, but my resolution for 2012 is to blog 52 times next year.
Remember how as a child, at some point in time you had a teacher force you to write, "What Christmas means to me..."? (Doesn't the ellipses make that much better?)
I was thinking about that today. This year for Christmas, I am sitting in my apartment in the Bronx, by myself. I chose this for myself and feel like it is the best possible way to celebrate Jesus' birth. This may sound crazy to you, but with the exciting month I have had I needed a day off. That gives me time to write this, for YOU. Without further adieu:
What Christmas Means to Me...
Christmas means to me that Christ was born. This is His day, and we should be thankful for His birth because without Him, we could not have eternal life. I believe that even Non-Christians should be thankful for this man's birth, because without Him, there would not even be the pagan form of Christmas. So non-believers say what you will, but you should give thanks to His birth even if you do not believe He is the Son of God because His day is what started all of the family gatherings.
Christmas to me means friends and family. For the first time in my adult life, I am not working in a retail environment for Christmas. And I am SO thankful for that. Anyone who has survived the horrors of working a retail job at Christmas knows that working in that environment sucks most of the joy out of the season. This is the first time in over a decade that I have CELEBRATED Christmas. In the television industry, production grinds to a halt over the last couple of weeks of December. This has given me time to spend with friends. The first day of this month I had a party that was amazing. That was followed by a week of my family being here. Since December 13th, I have not had a single day that was not spent with at least once friend (save Sundays). It has been a blessing to see all of the people who mean so much to me. Over the course of the year, I get caught up in trying to be a famous writer, actor, comic, artist, clothing designer, entrepreneur that I often do not have time for myself, much less someone else. I made it a point for this month of Christmas to celebrate friendships, because friendship is the best gift of all. I have a full slate through January 7th and after that I know it will be back to the grindstone, but for now I am enjoying a life with friends. I spent my Christmas Eve (and into Christmas morning) with Jazmin and her family. They are beautiful, loving people and I felt welcomed as if I were a part of the family. Even if I was the token white guy in the Christmas pictures. :-D
I try to not play up this part, but we all know that Christmas means gifts! I spent more on Christmas gifts this year, than in the previous 10 combined. And, I did almost all of my shopping online instead of going into Brick-and-Mortar establishments. Those employees are underpaid and under appreciated in the stores so I did not want to contribute to their work load. I firmly believe Christmas isn't about what you get, but what you give. I tell most people, "Please do not buy me anything". I've been blessed with the ability to purchase almost anything I desire. (Luckily my tastes are not lavish) I do however enjoy giving gifts. One of the top highlights of this Christmas was giving my Bestie Jazmin her gift, only to leave her speechless. It felt good. The most important gifts to me are the ones that were made by hand or that thought was put into. I never want a gift card. What I do want is home made candy. (Thanks Michelle) I never want clothes. Unless, you buy me a tie because you saw me wearing a shirt one day and thought, "Wow, I saw a tie the other day that would be the perfect match". I will not bore you with more examples because I think you get the point. I do not like people spending money on me, except my parents and (if I have one) my significant other.
Christmas is a time for happy Facebook statuses. I rarely read facebook, but I took 30 minutes today to read down my news feed to see how everyone was doing. It made me smile to see so many people happy. I wish that we all could carry the joy and love we feel in our hearts today, with us for the entirety of the year. The world would be a lot better place.
Finally, Christmas means to me that the current year is about over. A new year, and a new chapter begins one week from today. (How many of you noticed that New Year's Day is exactly one week after Christmas Day?) I have one week left to accomplish this year's goals and plan what I would like to accomplish in the coming year. For me, this past year has been the best year of my life. I would like to thank all of those that had a part in it, but I will save that for next week's blog. I usually do not make New Year's Resolutions, but my resolution for 2012 is to blog 52 times next year.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
I'm soooo amazing! (and humble)
I was thinking today that so many Manhattanites adopt babies from third world countries, and then they hire nannies (also from countries with less than stellar economic situations) to raise the children they recently acquired. So why don't they just kill two birds with one stone and adopt the baby WITH its mom!
Since this is thee BS blogg, I figured I should put at least one thing thing that is BS in ever Blogg. Right? Well at least try to. Here is my BS moment for this installment. (OH I should call the BS item in the Thee BS Moment, You're reading history right now!) So now, without further adieu, THEE BS MOMENT: I was on set yesterday preparing to enjoy my lunch when something comically sad happened. I had made it through the main line, and approached the dessert table. I was in luck, there was ONE slice of Carrot cake left. There was plenty of chocolate cake, vanilla cake, and Banana Cream cake. There were canolis, and cheesecake, and other assorted pastries. To put it in the simplist form, there happened to be PLENTY of desserts. However, I was the one grabbing the last slice of Carrot cake. As I placed it on my plate I heard someone behind me saying, "No, no NOOOOO!!!" (and yes, the last 'no' really was screamed at me) I turned around to see a 60-ish year old woman was looking at me and she said, "IIII wanted the carrot cake". So I did what I thought was right, and gave her my slice. She did NOT say "Thank You". I was NOT surprised. However, she was SO gracious as to give me a sliver of the cake.
I have more to write, butttt I'm tired. I waited until way too late to start this tonight, so guess what, I'll edit this tomorrow to make it longer. Yep.
Since this is thee BS blogg, I figured I should put at least one thing thing that is BS in ever Blogg. Right? Well at least try to. Here is my BS moment for this installment. (OH I should call the BS item in the Thee BS Moment, You're reading history right now!) So now, without further adieu, THEE BS MOMENT: I was on set yesterday preparing to enjoy my lunch when something comically sad happened. I had made it through the main line, and approached the dessert table. I was in luck, there was ONE slice of Carrot cake left. There was plenty of chocolate cake, vanilla cake, and Banana Cream cake. There were canolis, and cheesecake, and other assorted pastries. To put it in the simplist form, there happened to be PLENTY of desserts. However, I was the one grabbing the last slice of Carrot cake. As I placed it on my plate I heard someone behind me saying, "No, no NOOOOO!!!" (and yes, the last 'no' really was screamed at me) I turned around to see a 60-ish year old woman was looking at me and she said, "IIII wanted the carrot cake". So I did what I thought was right, and gave her my slice. She did NOT say "Thank You". I was NOT surprised. However, she was SO gracious as to give me a sliver of the cake.
I have more to write, butttt I'm tired. I waited until way too late to start this tonight, so guess what, I'll edit this tomorrow to make it longer. Yep.
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