Recently, I've been preparing for a series of blogs about what guys need to do to attract women. I do not want to say to bang women, or to kiss women, or to get women's phone numbers. I mean to attract them, to get their attention.
I haven't really told anyone (save for some close friends) my reasoning for this. I believe in a relatively short time, I will be retiring from "The Game". Feel free to make Air Quotes when you read that. If you didn't air quote; feel free to go back and re-read it so you can be a part of the group. I don't know why, but I have this overwhelming feeling that my Ms. Right (who will probably be a Ms. Gupta, Ms. Patel, or Ms. Singh) is right around the corner. I may be wrong, but I think it is time to prepare a new generation of men to figure out the female mystique. The first thing I will say about this mystique is that women do not know what they want. And, that is ok. It is our job as men to convince them that we are what they want. If we fail at that, it is our fault.
But enough about that. That is something that will be tackled in future blogs. The blog today is solely about me, and my search for "the one" (and I'm not talking about an awesome phone from HTC). One of the comments I would receive again, and again when I used to have 1,000 readers a month was that people enjoyed my writing because it was entertaining, but it was also honest, and emotional, and real. I will put myself out there. Hopefully this will be the first of many writings that fall back into that vein. If I come across conceited, or as if I'm bragging; I apologize in advance. I'm just trying to tell the story as accurately as possible.
In Greenville, North Carolina I dated a lot. It did NOT start out that way, but I ended my time there with a bang. And another bang. And several more bangs. (Shout out to Lisa and Erica) Ahhhh big fish, in a small town. I was a local celebrity, and it was an amazing thing.
It started out rough for me. I started ECU in 1999. I had NO self esteem. None. I spent almost every day of my life thinking I was a loser. However, I've always been an extrovert. I know the two are usually not married, but somehow this was who I was. I piddled around feeling sorry for myself until 2002. In those first 3 years, I did ok with the ladies. By "ok" (feel free to air quote again), I mean I probably made out with 3 or 4 girls a year. There was rarely any sex going on. This is how lame I was. I could get girls back to my place, in my bed, and sometimes in various levels of undress, and I still doubted if they wanted to hook up with me. Pathetic, right? But, I really couldn't see why anyone would want to be with me. It wasn't like anyone was telling me I was a loser. I had great roomies, and great friends, and I really had some attractive girls paying attention to me. But, I never felt like I had the value to have a girlfriend.
That all changed in 2002. I began working at Gadzooks. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me. The guy you meet today, had his genesis in the Plaza Mall of Greenville in April of 2002. I had the best boss ever. His name is Mike. I'd use his full name, but haven't asked his permission. He hired me because I would come shopping with my friends, and always pick out their outfits. From day one, he built me up every single day I worked with him. He would notice girls checking me out, and flirting, when I would not. He would say, "DUDE! She was totally into you, why didn't you get her number?" I couldn't see it. I would think, "Oh, she is just being nice because she feels sorry for me". The more time I spent at Gadzooks, the better I began to feel about myself.
Somewhere in those 3 years, I even got the nickname "Gadzooks" downtown. I could walk into a club, and the hottest chicks would come running up to me exclaiming, "GADZOOKS!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!! You picked out my outfit tonight!" To which I would reply something along the lines of, "Yes I did, and you look soooo fucking hot in it. I did a good job".
In my Gadzooks prime, I was dating 3 to 4 chicks a week. I never developed the ability to get any girl I wanted at first approach. My style was to talk to them every time they came in, build a rapport, and eventually getting around to saying, "Hey, we should go out sometime". The majority of the time this statement was met with, "Yes! That would be awesome!" Then I would be given their number, and they would either tell me of a party they were going to, or where to meet them downtown.
Gadzooks closed in 2005. It took me until 2010 to get over it. Yes, five years. That job was the best job I ever had. Maybe not so much for the work that was done (which I was the top rated manager in the company... boom!), but for the people I met. I am still close with about 20 of the people I met there. That rocks. I had started writing a book in June of 2003. It came out in June of 2006. All of a sudden I became "The Book Guy" (I hope you air quoted). It didn't sound as cool as "GADZOOKS!", but the same purpose was served. Hot chicks would come up to me because they knew who I was. Just like at Gadzooks, my work was being done for me. I didn't realize what a problem this was at the time.
It wasn't until 2008 when I moved to New York that I realized this: Even though I had dated many, many women (some years over 100 a year); I had no clue how to get a woman. And to clarify, I mean dates as exactly that. I may have only had one date with a woman, but to me that woman is included in the number. I had never taken the time to realize what it was that I was doing, that made women attracted to me. 2008 was a terrible year for dating for me. I think I dated 2 women in New York. I remember my first date, but do not remember her name. She was really pretty, but really annoying. We did not go on a second date. I remember my second date as well. It went great: Pizza, and then back to my place to watch football. Even though we made out, I didn't even put my hand up her shirt. I was too chicken. My old first years of college problem had arose where I couldn't imagine why this hottie would want to make out with me. That's the kind of things that pop up when one strikes out with every woman he talks to save two. My ego took a beating. I no longer thought I was worthless, I just felt that New York women couldn't see my worth.
During this time, the rough thing for me was that my self esteem was based on how hot the girl I was dating was. Remember, I still had no clue how I would get hot women. It was pretty much throwing shit to the wall, and seeing what would stick. I had one of my first friends here in New York (who happened to be my boss) tell me that I was doing it wrong. He asked me why I let women be my self esteem. And I explained nothing felt better than dating a hot woman. I've discussed before in another blog, so I won't go into details. But, long story short: I learned that I should get my self worth from my talents, and who I am; not from someone else. One of the best lessons I have ever learned.
I am not exactly sure when, but I would say probably around January of 2010 is when I finally started to catch on to how to interact with New York women. I was working at a cupcake place, and at a hip, trendy clothing store. I didn't meet many women at the cupcake place (but did date a co-worker). At the clothing store, I was back to my old ways. I would flirt a lot, and I started realizing what did, and didn't work with women here. I made a concerted effort to get better. And get better I did. By May, I was going out with 2 or 3 women casually. By the end of the year I had a girlfriend! And she was hot! And she could sing, and dance, and act, and put me in my place. She had just as messed up a sense of humor as me, and she was great.
We broke up in November of 2011, and since then; I have gone a little date crazy. [Get ready for part 2...]
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