Friday, August 16, 2013

I still, haven't found... what I'm looking for. (Part Three: The Reckoning)

If you have made it this far, kudos to you. If you read the other two blogs in the same sitting, and now going to try to conquer this beast. You deserve a reward. If you are female, reward yourself by taking  a picture of your boobs, and emailing it to haha In return, you will receive a VERY kind, and VERY sincere compliment plus thank you note. Guys, you can reward yourselves by going to pornhub and typing in "bukake". You're welcome. Now ONNNNN to the blog!

So after all of the other words, in the other blogs, I get to what I still haven't found. Which is... what I'm looking for. HEY! That would be a great song title! Yeah....

The greatest thing about dating all of these random women, is that I have now finely tuned, and narrowed down what I am looking for. And as crazy as it may sound, I 100% believe she is out there, and I am going to find her soon. And, it is going to be AWESOME!

What I'm looking for (and this will probably get longer as I think of more and more things):

I'm pretty sure if I put this on my OKC profile (OKCupid for those who didn't read the other blogs), I would get absolutely NO hits, but this is the most honest I can be. If you know anyone like this, please introduce us! I will make you this deal right now, if you introduce me to my future wife; I will put you in the wedding party! You can be my best man! (Unless my dad wants to be my best man, then you can be 2nd Best man [yes, if you are female I will get you in the wedding!]

I want an Indian woman. I want her to be between 5'7", and 5'11". I do not care specifically about her actual numbered weight, but I want her to be skinny, and prefer she have some semblance of abs. If she runs, or does yoga that is great. I want her to inspire me to get into better shape (even though I already swim and run some, I need to do more).

I would really like for her to be a lawyer, but a doctor is ok. Those are about the only two professions I am into. Luckily for me, a lot of Indian fathers expect the same thing. haha I am really sold on marrying a Lawyer though. (And it isn't a money thing. She could be a not-for-profit lawyer. I just love law, and most lawyers I know are really good arguers, and I am one of the best. I need someone on my level, or even better than me (fat chance) to challenge me.  Plus, lawyers usually understand fact based arguments, and not emotional ones. I LOVE dating lawyers! 

I do not care if she is a Vegetarian or not, but definitely not a Vegan. I would love for her to teach me new dishes I do not already know how to cook.

She must be Hindu. She doesn't have to be super religious, but she has to know about Hinduism, and be able to teach our future children (if we have them) about it.

She has to have style. I have no issues if she is a t-shirt and jeans type of girl. But, she has to have the ability to dress up, and be stylish. When I am dressed up, and I'm walking down the street holding her hand, I want people to turn their heads and admire how awesome we look together. 

She has to be extremely secure with herself. Self confidence is sexy. I'm even fine with her being a little cocky. I do not want her to be completely conceited, but a little swag goes a long way. 

I want her to not get offended easily. Lord knows if she does, there will be some hurt feelings going on way too often. haha

She has to be accepting of all people no matter what their race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. The sole exceptions being she is allowed to dislike anyone who wears black and navy together. Gross! And also anyone who is a Jets fan. DOUBLE GROSS!

SHE HAS to be willing to be silly. If we are in the grocery store, and "Sexy and I Know It" comes on, she better "wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle... yeah" with me. Or we will have problems. 

She will understand that our relationship should be one based on complementing each other, not completing each other. I am already my own person, I do not need someone else to complete me. I want someone to enhance my life. Big difference!

She should be just as comfortable going out, as staying home. I cannot express how much I love a night of a having dinner together, and then cuddling up together to watch a movie. 

She must have long hair. Nothing against my beautiful women with short hair, but I like it long. Speaking of hair, better not be any down there. I do not like fur balls when I'm doing my biddness down there. Gross. One final thing about hair, she can NOT be hirsute! In this day and age, if she is, she will need to get laser hair removal. Fact!

She has to have a butt. It may not be the biggest, but it has to be a nice curve. I may ask for a lot of boob pics, but I'm an ass man. 

She has to appreciate how handsome I am, but not love me for my looks. I want her to think I'm the smartest, funniest, most charming man in the room; no matter what room we are in. :-)

She has to be romantic. I am a HOPELESS romantic. And my last two serious girlfriends were not. It sucks. I want to bring flowers, right love notes, and make silly crafts just because I love her. 

Now these are the things that are not deal breakers, but are definitely bonus points:

I don't care if she is a gamer or not, but once a month or so, I would like her to play either Mario Party, or Mario Kart with me. Or maybe even Super Smash Brothers. 

I'd prefer she also speak Hindi, but if she speaks Gujarati that is not a deal breaker. And honestly, if she can't speak Hindi I will live. And if she can speak Spanish with me, BOOM! I hit the jackpot. Nothing is as sexy as speaking Spanish while preparing for a night of passion. 

I'd prefer her last name to be Gupta, Patel, or Singh. I KNOW that is picky, but if our kids have hyphenated names (completely up to her if we have kids, and if so whether their names are hyphonated or not); those are the ones I like the best. I mean, there are other names I like (i.e. Padmanabahn and Ramesh being two off the top of my head, but I feel five letter names work the best since mine is five letters)

She celebrates Indian holidays.

I'd prefer she either watch NASCAR with me, of at least ask how Junior did. She doesn't have to be a SuperFan, but at least show interest. Incredible bonus points if she will keep up with it with me. (I know you probably think it is crazy that an Indian woman would keep up with it, but I have dated one Indian woman who kept track of Dale Junior during every race (had his tracker on her computer), and dated another that worked with NASCAR for 4 years; so it happens)

And these things don't matter at all:

Age. I don't care if she is 27, or 37. It really doesn't matter to me. 

Family Size. I think it would be AWESOME if she had a huge family, but if her family is in India, and we only see them once or twice a year; I can swing that.

Money. Like I said prior, I do not care how much money she makes. As long as she is happy at her job, I am happy for her! 

I mentioned earlier, and will reiterate now, this list may have more things added to it as time goes on. But, I think for right now, this is a good start.

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